Transcribed by: Caitlin Carr

Zoe: Hey Everyone welcome to a very, very special episode of lemonade the Mother's Day special today I am here with Bethany and we have a very special guest. I'm here with someone who is the reason that I'm here which is very cool and awesome and fantastic. I'm here with my own mother Brandy Waters so very excited for this episode this is been a long time coming I finally bullied her to record this with us, it is 10:00 p.m. the day before her birthday, not just any birthday for fucking 50th birthday so she-she's here Brandy, she handy to is share her wisdom- 

Brandy Waters : And now I'm thinking I should have swallowed..

Zoe: Yeah probably, <laughs>. Welcome to the episode!

Brandy Waters: Thank you, Thank you.

Zoe: So this is an episode where you and Bethany get to talk about your experience parenting what toddler time what like, the terrible two’s, the terrible three’s, the terrible four’s the terrible fives…<laughs>

Brandy Waters: The terrible twenty four’s…

Zoe: We are going to start off with the beginning, you guys get to compare pregenacy stories birth stories, all of that, who would life to go first?   

Bethany: Make brandy go first, I'm sure people have heard mine. 

Zoe: Our birth control episode was half bethany just telling us about her horrific birth story.

Brandy: Yeah. <laughs>

Zoe: Between the both of you every single day, before my birthday my mom would always text me, “Hey just went into labor right now” however old I am 

Bethany: Oh my gosh, I do that too!

Brandy: Yes, so it was fourty-six and a half hours, five epidurals-

Zoe: It was warm in there. 

Brandy: I know you didn’t wanna come out and you didn't wanna leave my sight for the first eighteen years 

Zoe: That is true! 

Brandy: which came out with fist-a-blazing her birth pictures got fists like she gonna beat me up for making me come out

Zoe: I was considering it… still am.

Brandy: <Laughs> I remember waking up, around one o’clock thinking, “Oh my God, I gotta go to the bathroom,” and then there was.. snot… and I was like, “ what is that?!” And I remember going it was about seven o'clock at that point my mom had came over started doing her log of all the- all of my contractions  and so I get to the parking lot at seven-fifteen, they stop, and I’m like, “are you kidding me!” So anyways after twenty six hours, called the doctor, she like “Hey,” -or my mom, not me, and she like, “hey she like in a lot of pain,” so they said come on up I go up at I think it was like seven o'clock in the moring or something- no it was 2 o’clock in the moring when I got there, there like, “Oh your dilated to two,” I’m like, “Are you kidding me?,” so then they even gave me a shot of morphine, that explains a lot Zoe, um, to let me sleep and I slept through some pretty big contractions and then they broke my water at seven a.m., just I’m like, “ I’ll be back by ten a.m., cause you’ll be ready to go,” no, no-

Zoe: Oh no, I was a night baby. 

Brandy: <laughs> So, so I would get an epidural, I would throw you and go back to sleep, and then an hour and a half later, epidural, throw up, go back to sleep, and finally he’s like, “alright, we gotta get this kid out,”  and he’s like, “We’re at a race with he lady next door,” and I’m like, “ Are you kidding me!” Then he yelled at the nurse because I had just gotten an ediural. I started pushing at 9, she didn't come out until 10:28.

Zoe: Yeah.

Bethany: Oof. 

Brandy: I know and he like “oh I had to pull her out by her hair,”  cause she had long black hair when she was born and- 

Zoe: Like a full head of hair that didn't even fall out 

Brandy: Yes, no- she, she had a lot of hair. And I was like that explains all of my heart burn..anyways so she finally came out and I was so nervous that she would have a face that only a mother could love 

Bethany: AW, Zoe’s pretty though so it's ok!

Brandy: I know it was ok, I was like, “ Ok, she's cute, she's cute, I’ll keep her I guess.”

Zoe: It worked out, there wasn’t anything health concerns, there was no health concerns, it was all, is my baby gonna be ugly? <laughs

Brandy: <laughs>

Bethany: But I don't care if she like ill, as long as she’s cute 

Brandy:  So anyways during the thing I had my best friend Travis in there and my mom and I was like Trav your cool, you can stand behind my head, I don't care- oh no he had to hold my leg, he’s holding one leg, my mom’s holding my other leg, I’m like this is ridiculous, well then after, she out y’know they take her over there, my crotch is facing straight at the door to the hosital door, the nurses are going in and out, theirs new a face at the door everytime, My dad, my brother my friend Dawn, her mom, <laughs> I was like, “come on,” everyone just saw it. The next day the nurse comes in, she like, “I need you to roll over, I need to look at something,” and I'm like, “ why?,” because I did not give birth out my asshole.” 

Zoe: Oh but you did. <laughs>

Brandy: She was like, “oh no, you’ve got  have two very large protruding hemroids,” I’m like “oh just leting you know, everything down their hurts.” 

Bethany: Why they say people poop it's becuase all the sensation down there's the same, so pushing, in pushing, ‘yknow so. 

Brandy: Yeah well I didn't poop so that was good.

Bethany: Well I was just t saying. <laughs>

Zoe: She shit out nothing but her own veins.

Brandy: But yeah so but it was from the first contraction to the very end it was fourty-six and  a half hours and I told the doctor, and I say” Hey while your down there, can you just sew that all the way up?”and he goes” It's not a pretty crotch right now but I’ ll make it pretty again” and I was like “Woah.” <chuckle> So yes, that is my short version of the birthing story. 

Zoe: Hooray!

Bethany: Mine was.. long like that but my blood pressure spiked right in my thrid trimester, and I  was super healthy like the whole way through until right until right at the end and so they did an induction so for anyone who don’t know what an induction is, that’s when they force your body to go into labor, and when went into the hospital, I hadn’t even lost like the mucus plug I was at zero dilation. Yeah and so they were really making my body go into labor that ws not ready.

Zoe: Wait How far along were you 

Bethany: Like months wise?

Zoe: Yeah how pregnant were you?

Bethany: Oh like um I think it was like that first or second week of my third trimester cause it was as soon as like they were allowed to take the baby out, y’know 

Zoe: Gotcha. ok

Bethany: That's why she was so little um cause she was only five pounds why she was born super tall but just like noodle skinny iIwanna say around like the 30 week mark maybe. So they do an induction and I was at nothing like absolutely nithing and even the nurse were like, “oh your not even dilated a little bit.” And and i'm like no the doctor sent me here, like I did not come because I was ready. And the worse part is so like wehn you go into labor naturally contractions comes in waves-

Brandy: Yes. 

Bethany:-  Like it hurts for a little but then goes away, hurts for a little then goes away, when you  an induction it does not , it was a contraction the entire time. 

Zoe: God, fuck that! 

Bethany: And that was literally the worse thing ever, and my nurse were like such fing bitching, like they would not let me sit in a comfortable way because I had to be like heavily monitored for the babies safety but it was like putting me in so much pain that like it was spiking my blood pressure so much it was setting alarms off and they would just come in and turn it off and be like, “ no your fine”, yeah they did not care about me at all. 

Zoe: At that point it’s like f the baby I mean like, yes nurture the baby but also like f- the baby get comfy, Fuc-

bethany : Yeah really and like I would move and wherever she was I had to sit super still for the monitor to read her the whole time, anytime I moved they would come in and yell at me and one tome she came in, and was like, “you need to lay back down,” and said no and she went,
“ fine, well I'm gonna tell your doctor that your not following medical orders,” and I was like, “ go ahead, and two minutes later she came back and just told be to lay back down again, and it's like you're in so much pain and so exhausted you're like not really in the position to be like  fighting you know and it was awful and then I got my epidural and once I had to epidural in that was great it's just like the one little IV hook up nowadays I know they've changed it cuz it used to be like doses- 

Zoe: Yeah that's how my mom was.

Brandy: With the shots in my back.

Bethany: Yeah so they just did I IV into my back is what they did and so you get kind of a constant thing when I had the epidural it was nice the problem is I've always- I wasn't even like a smoker like a stoner at the time but I've always kind of had a high tolerance to like pain meds so the epidural wasn’t woking anymore and they were like okay it's time to push now, and I was like, “you motherfucker give me this God damn epidural back” so that was like 2 days of labor of just constantly contraction and then pushing, and the fucking nurse was such a bitch cuz I'm like okay we're almost done like I get to push now, she goes, y’know it might take a few hours

Zoe: Oh my God

Brandy: <laughs>

Bethany:  And I'm like, now is not the time  for you to be un-hyping me right now. 

Zoe: yeah seriously

Bethany: Seriously I pop that baby out and like 15 minutes dude it was so fast like compared to everything else and like the contraction ache of just constant- I couldn't even really feel her like coming out of my coochie you know like doesn't really hurt I ripped a little bit just a tiny bit, and that felt fucking freaky. Like imagine, like papercuts sorta cause like my labia tore, and just- it was just a little it was considered like really good considering especially  for a first birth they say your more likely to tear- 

Brandy: yeah I tore.

Bethany: So I just tore my labia a little , and then the fucking doctor sticks the needle in my, to stitch me up and I go, “ow” she goes “oh I thought you had an epidural” like bitch I’m just been complainf about not having and epidural this entire time like were you not listening! 

Zoe: Did they just stitch you up without fucking pain meds?

Bethany: Um after I said something, they pain-meded me. 

Zoe: Ok that’s good 

Brandy: See that's the whole thing I don't remember having any pain meds because I had the epidural and earlier in the day they were only lasting a hour and a half so from when I started pushing until you came out, I'm thinking that this at the point because I could feel everything , cause I even yelled at him I said “you can take it out any other way but this way” so but  Zoe was eight pounds, seven ounce and twenty-one inches long, yeah. 

Bethany; Oh wow you were a big girl.

Zoe: Yeah I was!  

Brandy: So she's’ a big’in

Bethany: Yeah I tried to get a c-section cause silly me, I'm like ,hey I’m in medical distress.. like obivously I’m like can I just c-section it, and I ask the nurse if I could talk to the doctor about the c-section and all she did was laugh at me. Like deadass, she laughed and walked out of the room, and I was like ate you shitting me right now, and you know what sucks, is this was one of the better hospitals. 

Zoe: That's insane to me 

Bethany: Because the other hospital in the area was straight up about not being mom friendly. An like they made comments, they were like well you can stay- uh you have to at least stay one day but some people stay longer I guess cause they have nothing better to do. 

Zoe: What they fuck

Bethany: And I'm like thye just pushed a person out of their vagine. And then another thing they said she goes if I ask you what your pain is from a scale from one to ten and you say a ten, I'm not going to believe you, she goes cause a ten is like geting hit by a truck or something, and I was just like oo definitely not going to this one, uh so I went to the nicer one and had that treatment still so 

Brandy: Well there's two hospitals so my gynecologist was at one, my family physician was at the other one so I had to have another doctor come u and..check me out and everything before I left but I can't complain about the people in the hospital. I thought they were pretty decent.

Zoe: Bethany do you think that your age had anything to do with that, and I’m not asking you as like eww teen mom, I’m asking you as like just like actually because I’m curious.

Bethany: I wasn't anyway. 

Zoe; Oh that's right. 

bethany: No I think it had to do with how much of a religious church it was- 

Zoe: Oh gotcha. 

Bethany: Oh church not- fu- I just called it a church… however religious hospital it was literaly walking up to the way of the door there's Bible quote plasted on the wall but their all like that now like I swear to god every Hospital is like that now 

Zoe: That is true all the hospital near us were like that 

Brandy: I couldn’t even go and get.. um, when went  in and wanted to get an IUD put in, there like, oh, cause they'd switch and there like oh we can’t do that you’d have to go to the hospital, and I'm like ok I’m gonna find another gynecologist that I can…do that with 

Bethany: Yeah cause whats they f- point if you can't give me birth control that like your number one Goddamn job um but I did get so drama in the beginning, uh because of my age which is funny cause again it's not like- I mean I was young but it’s not like I was literally like a teen mom.

Zoe: You're not that young. I don't know why for some reason I literally thought that you were like 19 when you had her 

Bethany: No, like I was twenty-one. Twenty when I got pregnant, twenty-one when I had her. Which means my 21st birthday was spend pregnant.

Zoe: That fucking sucks! 

Bethany: It did suck let me fucking tell you that.

Brandy: I'm sorry. 

Bethany: I had a thing with like an employer of mine where they gave me a lot of drama for it, 

Because at the beginning of my pregnact- not there ended up being nothing wrong with me, but I got pregnacy eczema so bad, it covered every like- essentially every inch of my body but  my feet, it was so bad that the doctor thought that my immune system was shutting down.

Zoe: Oh fuck

Bethany: And, yeah so it ended up just being the world's worse case of pregnancy eczema and the doctor straight up told me that, when they were like, I have never seen it this bad but your fine, but they were worried- my organs where gonna start shutting down, so I had this lists of like ailments like,hey if this happens go to the ER, if this happens go to the ER 

Zoe: Oh my god 

Bethany: And so I was-

Brandy: Did you have more than one kid? 

Bethany: No, I just had one, and were going to keep it that way ideally. <chuckles> Um, so I was like in and out of the hospital and so I missed a lot of work but I had a doctors notes for every single fucking time you know it's not like they can really say anything. I got pulled in the office and encouraged to use like the company doctor as my OBGYN I guess-

Zoe: What was your work at the time?

Bethany: I don’t want to say cause it was government.

Zoe: Ok I’m following. They have company doctors? 

Bethany: Well it was like- it wasn’t really like the company doctor but it was the the doctor they were associated wit, who was like uhh- he like mostly did like physical therapy shit.

Zoe: What they hell is he gonna do about that?!

Bethany: Exactly! He's gonna be like, well hes some exercises to pop the kid out um go find an OB

Zoe: <laughs>literally

Bethany: And they wanted <inaudiable> And they wanted to be dramatic about it and like whenever I talked to like he main guy, he never said it point blank, but I could tell he didnt think I was going to keep the baby. He was talking to me like- trying to give me like a pregancy talk, which I felt like was weird,

Zoe: That is weird. 

Bethany: And I was like well… but he was a little on the spectrum so I don't know how he was picking up on how weird it was. He was telling me all about pregnancy, but most of it was like generic crap, and I'm like yeah I know that I think my more worried about the like- parenting part, and he goes like, well let's not put the the carrots before the horse, like oh you know lets not worry about that right now. 

Zoe: Well you should! 

Bethany: And I'm like one of thoses is a more of a permanent situation here you know, like pregnancy is gonna end one way or another, if I have a kid at the end of this, that's like forever, like I feel like that's my bigger concerned, personal, and then he told me I wasn't allowed to tell people I was pregnant at work anymore.  Yeah no he tried to tell me it was hypa related….

Time stamp: 16:04

Zoe: isnt hypa -if your disclosing on you fucking self?

Bethany: that's what I said, he he was like well that's your private medical information and I was like yeah that I have chosen to disclosed. Whats funny is, so I’m gluten intolerant, people have asked my about my gluten intolerance all the time, and I've never  got told I wasn't allowed to talk about that and that is private medical information, 

Zoe: Right. 

But I wasn't allowed to tell people I was pregnant. 

Zoe: What are you supposed to do if like you start looking- 

Bethany: Like that's funny. Also I was very obviously pregnant 

Zoe: Yeah I was about to say, what happens when you start like actually looking pregnant and someone's like, are you pregnant? What are you gonna say, no? 

Bethany: And like, my-like the boss- 

Zoe: Sorry that’s-that's private medical information I can't tell you. <laughs> 

Bethany: Like sorry that classified information, I apologized, but like all my coworkers were super cool. It was one of those job were we like bonded by like how much the bosses sucked ass, and everyday people were like, oh how are you feeling, how's the baby doing?, blah blah blah shit like that so I’m like it's not exactly a secret, and I'm like, I’m heavy, but I'm not that heavy I think people noticed I was pregnant pretty fast. 

Zoe: So weird.

Bethany: But whatever. But I thought 21 was a respectable age, you know

Zoe: <yawn>Yea serious, and you had your shit in line by that time anyways so. 

Bethany: Yeah that was the only reason I decide to keep her anyways, if I didn’t it would have been… you know...aborted, I’m pro-like…

Zoe: No your not!

Bethany: I'm not pro-life I'm sorry…Um, I’m- I’m super pro choice and I have been like, pretty much since always, like there was a time when I was a kid and I was oh baby killing, but now I like know the science. So if I wasn't in a place to take care if her I wouldn't have, you knoew I would have been, oh ok, I know where planned parenthood is they'll hook me up, were good, but I was like you know I'm doing ok, I got my shit in order, like why not. 

Brandy: You know I still don't- 

Zoe: What's the worse thing that could happen.

Brandy: I still don't have my shit together, <Laughs> 

Bethany: Well it’s ok I don’t have it together now but at the time I had it together <laughs>

Brandy: Well I had to get it together real fast, cause worked on the road Monday through Friday, 

Zoe: Yeah she was a stripper…

Brandy: Yup, traveled around….. Dude I made so much money when I was pregnant. Woo

Zoe: <laughs> 

Brandy: Um.. Well it's just because- 

Bethany: People would pay for anything. 

Zoe: Right.

Brandy: My tata’s were huge, their huge.

Zoe & Bethany: <laughs>

Bethany: Oh my god, that's reminded me of something else sttupid  that happened at my fricking hospital. So they had me meet up with a lactation consultant most of the time, and she would just making sure I was doing it right, wasn’t struggling,  most of the time and I  was doing fine, she was talking about changes I have instead of asking me she turns to Cody and ask cody, did her boobs get bigger?

Zoe: Oh my god 

Bethany: And I was like- and I just like looked at him and her and even he looked confused like why are you talking to me. And he was like yeah? “Oh well I ask the husband because they tend to notice more,” ha ha ha, like with the little elbow nudge thing and I'm just like- do you think I didnt notice when all of my clothes started fitting different?

Zoe: I was about to say, do you not fucking realized why my boobs are falling out of your bra? <laughs> 

Bethany: Like yeah I fucking noticed. And then they stayed that size! Oh they do look- they look pretty great, imma be real right now,  they look pretty poppin. Like if I wasn’t me, I’d date me, 

Brandy: I went from a C to a double D back to a B, I'm like nice. 

Bethany: Oh they took some with it when it left, they were actually were gonna- were gonna take these guys too

Zoe: And the shameful thing with it all is that she didnt even breast feed..<laughs>

Brandy: No becuase then that whole pump and dump thing…

Bethany: Oh my god ugh…

Brandy: Mom’s been sober her whole nine months that's done I’m done <laughs>

Bethany: Well they say your allowed to drink alcohol and smoke cigerates the one they say lingers in your breat milk the most is actually weed, which is funny cause of alcohol and cigerates, I would consider that the healthest of those two.

Brandy: Uh, my brother gave me a big ol spiel when I was pregnant on… how I should just smoke weed while I was pregnant-

Zoe: She just fucking smoke cigs, enough cigs to give me  fat fucking swollen ankles all the time and  maybe a heart issue 

Brandy: I mean that's just me paying you back for the hell you put me through, K?

Zoe: That is true I'll take it I mean you did bring me into this world so I guess I can’t really  complain to much 

Bethany: I didn't do shit while I was pregnant with her even when I really wanted to, even when the 21st birthday came and went I was done. I still couldn't breast feed very well because it just like-it was a lot. I think I breast feed for like the first 3 months becuase you know they say the frist 6 weeks is the most important immune system wise- immune system wise anyway, um  but like 3 months in I just could fucking stand her-

Zoe: <laughs>

Bethany: You know like, I mean like I loved her, but I was just like if anyone fucking touches me right now I'm gonna scream. You know like your just so overwhelmed by the consistent on you and like it was just a lot and then one day I was sick and I didn’t want to get the baby sick, and so we bought some quick formula just like for the time, and were like, ok well it's just for the day until i feel better- it was so amazing to have Cody feed the baby! It was so fucking amazing, I mean like I pumped-

Zoe: Did you like exclusively, like breast feed or did you also bottle- well was she was probably to young to take a bottle wasn't she? 

Bethany: Umm, no I'm sure I did it a couple times,but I felt like it was more time consuming to take the time out to pump.

Zoe: Yeah that's fair.

Bethany: You know, cause most the time when  had milk to pump she was hungary as it was. So idk it didn't really pay off for me, like maybe if I was working regularly, it would have been a bigger deal, but no I was just mostly breast feeding

Zoe: Gotcha.  

Bethany: But like I just kinda take it and after that first day with the bottle we like never went back. Like I might have breats feed her once or twice after that you know.

Zoe: It's crazy causelike also anytime that I'm like nanny or like babysitting or whatever especially when they're younger babies and like watching parents go through that like half the time I like can't even fucking believe how much work it is. Like your were kinda saying like that constant:  like I need something from you and also just like the fact of like babies eventually grow fucking teeth and so like that's a whole thing that I just can't fucking believe in like… I don't know man it's just it's wild to me I just like-I couldn't imagine having to do that for so long. Like I just can't imagine it and also just like one like there's a definitely like a stigma with that and whatever I mean you could argue for the nutrients in yada yada what- whatever right. 

Bethany: And it’s cultural too. Some cultures are very different about it. 

Zoe: Exactly, oh absolutely.

Brandy: Wasn’t there just a story about a guy that-they were getting married and the wife caught him breast feeding with his mom? When they were getting married?

Zoe: Ew no I havent heard that…

Brandy: I have to double check i-I swore she caled off the weeding because-

Bethany: I mean I would too, what the <inaudible>

Brandy: The day of the weeding she caught she soon to be husband, breast feeding. 

Zoe: No I can't even imagine that I also like…again I just can’t imagine, like, for that length of time having to do that but also just like the complication necessarily, but like, having to fucking like worry about regular pumping and like leaking and all of that shit like, I just, there not way in hell and the amount of parents that fuck leaking when their baby cries, I'm like, absolutely not, especially when it's a fucking newborn…

Bethany: Dude I leaked every time I went pee. I don't know what it was about when going pee but I’d sit down on the toliet and I’d go pee and my boobs would be like, oh us too?! 

Zoe: <laughs>

Brandy: Oh I remember the first time, Travis and I, and Dawn went to Chi Chi’s Mexican restaurant to go have margaritas after you were born, and I even had nipple pads in and yeah, soaked those, soaked those up. 

Bethany: Ugh, the nipple pads.  

Brandy: Yeah cause you have to wear them until your milk dries up.

Bethany: And then you always kinda smell like spoiled milk a little bit. 

Brandy: Yeah ew.

Bethany: That's always fun.

Zoe: Yeah that would be sick for me, nope.

Bethany: But you know as soon as  I was done breast feeding I was chill, like I was lucky, Ezra was a sleeper. I know a lot of people had problems with that- my kid fuck- she sleep twenty hours a day, like first off, you know 

Zoe: Oh that's nice. 

Bethany: Yeah it was nice, she was a sleeper, I was lucky on that front, like she was always kinda chill it was just the breast feeding thing that got to me. 

Brandy: Zoe was not… she liked 2 am and she like to cry 2 am. I wouldn't know not how- 

Bethany: Zoe likes to cry now! 

Zoe: That is true. Yeah <laughs>.

Brandy: Some things never change.

Bethany: <laughs>

Zoe: I want to hear more about- so like bethany you had cody around the time, which is awesome, my mom did not-

Bethany: Yeah…

Zoe: But like how did that play into sleeping- 

Brany: I didn't have Cody, I did not have Cody. <chuckle

Zoe: That is true, my mom did not have cody. <laughs> 

Bethany: <laughs> Cody would have probably been like also an infant, so I don't know how helpful it would have been at the time 

Brandy: how did it help?

Zoe: No, well like just like your experience with all that.

Brandy: I don't know, see that’s, that’s, that's how I feel like if your breats feeding- it's pretty much you-

Bethany: Hard flying solo

Brandy: you know, if you don't pump

Zoe: Great, like what was your- like Bethany and Cody right, you basically just had yourself, and then like grandma, and grandma D that would helped out um my grandmother and my great great grandmother but like did you have any particular hardship having to do that all alone

Brandy: There is no getting out of it, you know, you just had to do it , but I do have to say that grandma D came and bathed you for like the first 6 months of your life cause that was like her favorite thing was to bathe baby so I didn't have to do that so mean that was cool, but Ido remember that they never wanted me to take you out until you were older, so I would have to like sneak you out and not tell them that I was going to a restaurant or going here or going there, cause they didn't want you to go out and get sick for the first 6 months or whatever. So I just I just snuck you out, even though they didn't live with me, I had to sneak you out of my own house, so. <laughs>

Bethany: Geez.

Brandy: Do you want to hear some good toddler stories of Zoe?

Zoe: Yeah

Brandy: Ok. So one of my favorites- 

Zoe: Oh my god, <chuckle> I already know whats coming.

Brandy: One of my favorites is after she learned she go to the potty by herself which mind you taught her i did not um that's his contribution- 

Zoe: Also I wanted to take a moment of just telling that story so my father did nothing for me in terms of like any sort of parenting, you know whatever he did potty train me, but this man the way he knew about a potty trained me he did nothing, he fucking brought me to a store and said “pick up prettiest underwear you can find,” so I picked up some shit it was some pretty Disney zaza on it you know, and he told me before we went and got them he goes “if you piss me you will never be able to wear them again,” it was that easy! <laughs>. I thought that man was gonna beat ny ass if he ever- <laughs> if i ever peed my pants! So i just didnt

Brandy: Yeah I know, I picked her up after two weeks and he like, “she potty trained,” I'm like hell yeah! Cool

Zoe: I’ve been materialistic from the start. I wasn’t about to lose my pretty panties

Bethany: <Inaudible>

Zoe: I’m still an avid pretty panty wearer!

Brandy: the best thing was- so the first time she had diarrhea, she sits on the toilet she goes, “mom my butt sus-ploded,” so to this day, “my butt susplosed,”  “susploded” not “exploded.” 

Bethany: Awww!Brandy: “Susploded”

Zoe: Yup “susploded”

Brandy: susploded. Yup theres that-

Bethany: Poor baby Zoe.

Zoe: Yup baby zoe, with her baby- “susplosion.”

Bethany: I wish potty training was that easy, I feel like it took Ezra forever to get potty training down and then she went through this phase where she knew how to use the potty she just peed her pants becasue she didn’t want to stop playing or whatever.

Zoe: Oh my god! That’s fair.

Bethany: For like months and months I swear it took for fucking ever, like I wish it was that easy.

Zoe: I mean you had some quality toys then if she didn't wanna take a break

Bethany: I guess, I don't know she had a fuck ton of toys. That's the beauty of having one kid its anytime I see something I  just buy it, I'm like, “Oh I only got to get one.”

Brandy: Yeah it’s true, it's true that's why she kinda spoiled.

Zoe: That is definitely still a thing

Bethany: Yeah Ezra’s going to be a little spoiled but I think that's ok. She constantly is asking me why i don't have have another baby, all the time>

Zoe: Ezra?

Bethany: Yeah!

Zoe: Oh I thought you were talking about me for a second, and I was like, “No I don't.” <chuckle> 

Bethany: no i swear like I don't get shit from adults from it and it's funny actually moms with more than one kid, so far they’ve all told me, “no yeah stay with one, don’t have more!” But Ezra give me more shit than anyone, I try to tell explain to her, I’m like, “Ezra it would be a baby, it wouldnt be your age, you couldn’t play with it, ” you know, but no she’ll just like- she actually been like in tears, like “mom please have another baby!”, and I'm just like no!

Zoe: There's a lot more that goes into to than just some begging. 

Bethany: Yeah I’m like dude like - I don't know if i’d do it if I could afford another baby, which I can't, 

Zoe: yeah dude seriously. 

Bethany: Cause kids are fucking expensive, but I don't even know I would. Pregnancy was awful.

Zoe: Yeah, you had a really hard tome and really shitty doctors which I feel like also really makes or breaks your like, experience.

Bethany: Oh yeah. They also tell you your second kid is suppose to be crazier too, more wild. 

Brandy: Yeah. 

Bethany: Yeah I’m like my kid high energy enough ok? But like she sweet though like I don't want to have an high energy asshole next. 

Brandy: That’s what I told them For the second ones easier I'm like yeah I don't care I'm not going to find. No um I couldn't go to- I couldn't go to a restaurant from like 18 months to like 4 because she would just take off.

Bethany: Yeah that sounds like Zoe

Brandy : Just gone, just, later.

Zoe: I had things to be exploring. 

Brandy: when we moved into the house I live now when she was like two and a half that's how I met all my neighboor cause all sudden next to you, then she’d be gone running over talking to neighboors and I'm like, “oh, well…hi,” yeah she was non-stop.

Bethany: Ezra’s thing was, when she was little she would always found old ladies to pick her up. Because at some point she found out that most people she’d ask to pick her up in the store would pick her up unless they were a little old lady, so she learned how to target them and I swear to god she would approach little lady specifically before she even talk she put this together and she’d be like, “pick me up,” and they would, and i’d have to go over and see my child in the arms of a strange old women. 

Zoe: That’s cute though, I like that 

Bethany: She was too smart for she own good already. She’s like, ”I know whose easy to manipulate.”

Zoe: Yeah seriously. She knew how to play the system.

Bethany: Other than that she was like pretty chill I don't have to worry about her getting crazy like she is very-

Zoe: That’s good.

Bethany: Like she's a party girl but she is like, nice it's sort of mellow I don't know she’s both of those things but I mean like she's always down to go crazy but I never had to worry about her being like bad too often. 

Zoe: I gave her the best of both worlds, I gave her a good kid after years of torment 

Bethany: Yeah I lucked out. That's another reason why I don't want ot have another one because people are like, “ you know the next one is going be satanic right?” and I'm just like, “ no theres no next one.” I’m good, I’m good, personally I’m fine.

Brandy: <laughs> You know zoe was like super into in clothes at the age of 3. I did not give her toys, I gave her clothes, she was so, so excited.

Zoe: Mind you my birthday is in September which if your in the mid-west, September is like fall-

Bethany: Yeah you said September to me and I was like dude that’s stil summer whats they problem, what's the issue here? 

Zoe: It’s like pretty cold 

Brandy: It's usually still pretty hot

Brethany: It's still 100 in september 

Zoe: It’s like cold sometimes 

Brandy: You just, you just never know how its gonna be here in September. I mean I don't think we had snow that early, but her 4th birthday I got her a new swim suit, and so she would not take it off, so we had her 4th birthday and she just walked around in her swimsuit cause- that was her- she loved it, she loved her swimsuit. 

Bethany: I’m loving- i'm loving that Ezra’s birthday is in July cause her birthday is on July 28, um all the kids in her class of her class have to have birthday parties where they invite all the class, but because Ezra’s birthday is in summer, I only get to invite the kids she actually likes, or nobody! It’s great> 

Zoe: Ooh that’s nice!

Bethany: the problem is though everywhere is packed in the summer time so like anywhere I wanna take her for her birthday it always was extremely crowded 

Brandy: ohh see Zoe ws always sound labor so so noby was in town <laughs. So we would just have parties here at chucky e cheese

Zoe: hell yeah, chuck e cheese!

Bethany: Well I always tried to do something special I mean not like crazy special, like I’m never taking her to like Disneyland or something but like we went to the beach one time, we’ve done the splashpad and like, stuff like that-

Brandy: Oh yeah. 

Bethany: You know I’ve done other things but she’s about to turn six I have more than two birthday but you know. The only time she really had like a party, party uh was her first birthday 

Zoe: She had a party or didnt have a party?

Bethany: She did have a party, like a proper party, like we didn’t go out but we just like stayed home but there was like- we had food, cake and shit, uh it was her first birthday, and it was like my famly was over, the in-laws were over. 

Zoe: Cute!

Brandy: So Zoe’s first birthday I ws in a wedding that day 

Zoe: So rude, weddding didnt even last 

Brandy: And she godparents came down, but she god parents go her this outfit from dollywood and- and then went and took her and got her pictures taken while I was at the wedding and then brought her to the reception while my friends that i was in the wedding with got her a smash cake? So here I am holding her I had to wear a white bridesmaid dress so I'm wearing that, she's got a purple cake, purple all over her, that white dress.. That yeah so that's how Zoe celebrated her first birthday. And then the next day we went to chucky cheese with all the family.

Zoe: and later that dress has penises sewed all over it. 

Bethany: oh my gosh

Brandy: I did, for my sister-in-laws- ex sister-in-law

Zoe:Yeah I was gonna to say, that wedding didn’t last either

Brandy: <laughs> True, true true true. 

Bethany: I mean most of them don’t, especially from that, like in the 80’s and 90’s  were just riddled with divorces, it actually that rates slowed down not but 80’s and 90’s,huge spike

Zoe: Damn

Brandy: Well I just got out of that and didn't get married, so I don't have to worry about that.

Zoe: True, she was smarter.

Brandy: I didn't have to split anything. 

Bethany: Hooray! Well if Cody and I do get divorce, were broke so we don’t really have anything to split, so does custody and I'm like, “Wait, I get half a week to be not a mom like I get like, half my week off, like fuck yeah!

Brandy: Oh ses that was the hardest part, is because, her dad when she was growing up lived either in Michigan, Louisville, or farer west Ohio, so he only took her for 2 weeks in the summer and then if he ever came back- so yeah 

Bethany: Oh that is hard. 

Zoe: but the guy- even when I was with him he wouldn't even fucking take off work to hang out with me, no, no, he’d make he’s fucking girlfriend at the time to take off work to take care out with me 

Bethany: Aww well at least I hope she was nice 

Zoe: yeah they- they plural, were decent, <laughs>. Some were better than others, I really liked this one Sonia she introduced me to VH1 countdown and I have a very vivid memory of her dance on top of a railing <laughs> to like fucking Rihanna's first album 

Bethany: Oh my gosh, that's so funny. 

Brandy: You came back loving the song umbrella-

Zoe: Yeah I still do! 

Bethany: <laughs>

Brandy: From that time. But I have-

Bethaany: I was about to say, that was a bop though!

Brandy: I have to laugh because sonia uh one time she was over at your aunt house and she walked up to the girl with like hamburgers, and they were like, “Go head and cook them,” and she was like, “I don’t know how,” like what, this women is gonna be-

Zoe: Oh Sonia was a fucking idiot. 

Brandy: This women’s gonna take care of my kid and she don't know how to cook a burger?!

Zoe: That true and she had 3 kids of her own

Brandy: Oh I didn’t know she had kids. 

Zoe: Yeah Sonia had kids. Sonia had kids that lived with her half that time. Um I know that because they actually settled really well into all the -no, she had 2 kids she, had 2 kids, they settle really well into the bedrooms because her boy took Shane’s bedroom, and then the girl took Natalie's bedroom. My dads house. My dad had a very large house for his interchangeable girlfriends, um there was also Twila who had 3 kids which is -those are the 2 kids that I mentioned, 2 out of the 3. I had Rachel, the oldest kids' bedroom, um when Sonia was around. Twila was….intense. I’ll never forget there was one time I was small enough to stll be in a car seat so I had to have been like, like 6,7 maybe she was actually around for a couple years but um i'll nver forget couple key stores with her um the first one was that I was wearing these like Bratz pajamas because I was also like a die hard fan of Bratz girl um probably stemming from my love of clothes and Bratz just had better outfits then Barbies

Brandy: Um just pause for a second, did you get the Bratz bath tub?

Zoe: Fuck no I didn't goddamn it 

Bradny: Ok continue. 

Zoe: Why, did you?

Brandy: No.

Zoe: Did Kris? 

Brandy: No cause she's got the other little bath tub.

Zoe: Yeah that's right. goddamn I forgot about that, maybe I can ship it to the castle. Do they take packages well see, well see hold on. um so anyways so I had these like Bratz pajamas and the shorts were like very short.<laughs> they almost were kind of like underwear short and like it was just me and Twila and we were sitting in my dads basement at the time and she’s like “oh my god, what are you wearing?” and I was like “pajamas?” and she was like horrified that I fucking wore these pajamas and she gave me so much shit casue they were so short that she could fucking believe it and I was like, “I’m literally like 5 years old,” like what!

Bethany: Dude, people get so weird about that

Zoe: I know seriously. Then the other tine was when i was- I was small enough to be, again like in a car see and we were driving to like some like campsite or whatever, and I was like “Oh my gosh I have a headache,” and this bitch pulls over and gives me a fucking redbull and is like “Here this will help with your headache, i'm a nurse,” and she was actually a nurse. Like your gonna give like a fucking already hyperactive 5 year old a goddamn full redbull to chug? yeah that's what she did. 

Bethany: They caffeine us out but holy shit

Zoe: That shit tasted like battery acid. I still think that redbull taste like battery acid. 

Brandy: <chuckle>

Zoe: Yup. Those are my two stoires. 

Bethany: Well so far Ezra doesn’t have strings girlfriend stories

Zoe: yeah I have a lot of my dads girlfriends stories. All the time that I went out to my dad and he actually wasn't even there. <laughs> 

Brandy: I have another funny- funny Zoe, that I cracked up. So she was taking a bath and she had got, I don't know some like little Barbie thing where you could squeeze and it would shoot the water up so it made it look like it was  showering or whatever, well of course I leave the bathroom and come back in shes got the tube thing off and she’s sucking one of her lips with it , and I'm like, “Oh my god what are you doing?!?,” then she had this perfect circle hickey on her lips, and I'm like “ how am I gonna explain this to daycare tomorrow?!” She's got this perfect circle- <laughs>

Bethany: <inaudible>

Brandy: So I was just like- yeah. Oh another time she came back from her dad’s and i get a call from daycare, and there like” zoe fingered somebody…” 

Zoe: <gasps>

Brandy: they go, “I don't think she knows what it means but, I’m pretty sure that, some other kids did know what it means or what it meant,” and I was like, “Ok,” and I called her dad, and “Oh my god Zoe flicked fingered sombdoy, I don’t finger people,” and I was like, “Well where’d she get this and he was like, “Oh I’m sorry, I figured Kevin,” I was like “ooh ok.” 

Zoe: That’s his best friend of many years 

Brandy: Yeah so I picked it up because, so there must have been a laugh so she did it to her classmates when she was like three. 

Zoe: Yeah and you know what there was another laugh probably, i don't remember it 

Brandy: Yeah everybody else laugh and you had not idea what you were doing. 

Zoe: I got the reaction that I wanted. All that intention was still attention. <laughs>.

Brandy: True so.

Bethany: I wanted to go off on that your uh little short storie Zoe, how weird it is buying little girls clothes in general. I remember having this problem when Ezra was like 6 months old, like that early, 6 months old, where they would make little girl shorts so short it wouldnt even cover her diaper

Zoe: Yeah that's probably- if I wore a diaper, I'm pretty sure you couldn't see it- or you probably would be able to see it 

Bethany: And it's just like… its really weird because on the one hand, it's like all the clothes for little girls is made weirdly  provocative but at the same time everyone goes crazy when little girls wears fucking anything you know. Like Ezra’s really tall so by the time dresses fit her around, they’re  usually way short on her, and people get really weird about it. 

Zoe: Of course.

Bethany: And I'm just like, how is it both? How are we both likein a society where I can only buy her little Daisy Dukes that show her ass checks in the goddamn toddler section, um but also everyone goes crazy because you can see her knees! Oh My Gosh!

Zoe: RIght. Exactly! 

Brandy: I was just thinking the other day about womens swim suits because I was thinking ok I need a new one and I'm like why do we need to have the speedo bottoms but men are in like shorts down to their down to there knees. I didn’t buy me a new swim suit by the way.

Zoe: Do you want to buy me a need swim suit?

Brandy: No.

Zoe: Are you sure

Brandy:Yes

Zoe: Are you positive  about that?

Brandy: One hundred percent

Zoe: I don't know if you are.

Brandy: See it never ends, never ends.

Zoe: <chuckle> Yeah. that is true.

Bethany: Yeah and I just feel like it's so weird. I feel like it’s so weird how early that kicks in-

Zoe: Wait if I ship you a bath tub that may or may not squirt water will you bring it…I can amazon prime- <laughs>,you a bath tub <laughs>. We have some many ways to <inaudible>

Brandy; so Bethany do you want to know what were talking about 

Bethany: Sure.

Zoe: Maybe. 

Brandy: So she came home for our girl trip to Galena  um theres a distillery that makes drinks specially for us and… so we go up there- well, were drinking that and Chrissy said there’s is a bath tub drink and so it came with a like a slushed drink with a little duck in it and an umbrella in a bathtub like a mini bathtub, so she ended up buying one and we used it for shots and put the little duck in there so the little duck was  staring at you and so when people would comeby like, “ hey you got the bathroom shots or the bath tub shots” I'm like  yeah, somebody was gonna go stand in our bathtub thinking that's what you had to do I was like, no, no you just go this little bath tub, So Zoe had gotten this little Bratz bath tub when she was younger and she was talking about buying that for-

Zoe: Yeah, I’ll send you the item.

Bethany: Our little castle getaway, so. 

Zoe: I don't know if I can- hold on, ok I just sent a link to it in the chat on, here so you can see what were talking about but you can like spray water. 

Bethany: Yeah 

Brandy: But That was a big bath tub, because wasn't it for the big bath, the big Bratz?

Zoe: It was the big babies 

Brandy: Yeah. I mean we may still- it might be still in the attic 

Zoe: Yeah but its probably gross. It definitely probably is because I wouldn't let you get rid of anything. 

Brandy; Right even your Baby-alive that you mutilated

Zoe: Hey I was just seeing what made it’s face mover

Brandy: I thought you were just practicing plastic surgery 

Zoe: It made it easier saying that. 

Brandy: <laughs>

Zoe: Did you read any books when you were trying to raise me?

Brandy: mmm no there was the whole book, “What to expect when you are expecting”

Bethany: I hated that books. 

Brandy: And then they first one you know the first I don't know like the toddler years or whatever you know 

Bethany: They go up to pre-teen not I swear 

Brandy:Oh well ok didn't read that far, I would have felt better if I did. 

Zoe: Ok I was an asshole all the was through.

Brandy: My thought process was, if she is in therapy at 30 then I fucked up., you know so I still got a couple more years to know if I fucked up… so.

Bethany: I mean you can still rationalize it with yourself, “ Does my daughter has enough emotion intelligence to understand when she needs help?” Boom. With Ezra I mostly read article. I tried to do, “What to expect when your expecting,” but I couldn't even get through the pregnancy one you know, like I felt like it was information I already knew. The weird stuff like mucus plugs and like, what contractions feel like, and like lighting crotch, shit like that you know, I’ll learn all that on the internet.

Zoe: The internet didn't exist with me, I mean it did, but I wasn't great. 

Bethany: Yeah it wasn't the same no but Iwas much more of an article gal, and then that way- cause when you buy a book its only gonna tell you one style, versus like I kinda got like a patch work of styles, but my only realy goal was that I wanted to raise Ezra without any sort of like evangelical Christan guilt that America love to pressures on girls and I wanted her to be nice and that was about it. 

Brandy: And you know I wanted to get Zoe baptized.  I've never been baptized-

Zoe: We know…

Brandy: I don't go to church and, but I wanted Zoe to be- I wanted to get Zoe baptised, I chose a religion that my grandma and my aunt and uncle went to because I was like, if I do go to church it would probably be with these guys than going on my own and I've already broke every catholic law that they have but you know, then I chose Luther, ok well they're pretty much the same so you know , then she got baptised and then that was about the extent of that 

Bethany: Yeah I did the bear minimum just in case, just in case the pearly gates are an issue later on, she’ll at least have that checked off. I grew up in a family where my dad was catholic and my mom was mormon so uh, that carried over in too many things. 

Zoe: Bethany had a lot of religious tramua.

Bethany: Yeah which is funny because I wasn't even said I had a like overtly religious childhood like they were years when I wish her regularly but it just like kind of seeped into everything like you couldn't even ask about like periods without my mom being like, “<gasps> well why don't you know?” And I didnt know if she was just being a bitch or if she just didnt know and was pretending she knew, which I think it might be that  one. Just to show you how deep the weird religious shit goes, I was having like sexy thoughts about Cody right, my husband- 

Zoe: oh no.

Bethany: I swear to God my brain shut down and was like oh that's dirty your not suppose to be thinking like that before I was like dude that’s my Fucking husband in even religious terms I’m fine. But like even the average mormon or catholic are like, “you thinking crazy fuck thoughts about your husband, of that’s fine, whatever.” Your married like what else. But even my brain was still was  like, no no no your not dirty dirty.

Brandy: Well see that was another reason why I baptized her was because my mom was brought up catholic so the whole, “if you don't baptized them your gonna end up in purgatory,” and all of that, “you don't want to end up in purgatory, I should have got you baptised,” and I'm like “yeah I’m good, I’m good.” 

Bethany: Purgatory is not that bad, its just neutral right

Brandy: Yeah it's not heaven its not hell. Ok cool.

Bethany: Well mormons don't really believe in purgatory or the whole baptism so im fifty percent covered. 

Brandy: <laughs> Well there you go.

Bethany: Hardest part of parenthood, or do you want to wrap up?

Brandy: Hardest parent of parenthood  probably for me is watching her go on her own 

Zoe: She gonna start crying now 

Brandy: That's sweet, I'm gonna start crying now 

Brandy: but you know the funniest thing is she was like my shadow for like the first 17-18 years of- , 17, and I thought, ok you need to go at least an hour and a half away cause she didn't want to apply to Ohio and I was like “do it,” and she did it and I was like, he you go, and she dad even drove me down, or drive with us down and said, “ Don't worry, I'll drive you back home cause I know youur gonna be an emotional wreck.”

Zoe: Really?!

Brandy: So, but yeah, so I think the hardest part is sending her out on her own hoping that I gave her enough tools to survive, you know. 

Bethany: yeah, that made me feel a feeling. 

Zoe:< laughs>

Brandy: Sometimes I have those, not very often but sometimes.

Bethany: Ezra is obviously a lot younger than Zoe so were at a different stage here.

Zoe: Really?!

Bethandy: Yeah, Yeah, bit of an age difference. She's turning 6 this summer, so far the hardest part has been trying it's teach her life stuff without like the world interfering already so like I try and teach her like, there's not such thing as boy things and girls things you know like she use to be big on, “ Oh that’s for boys, oh that’s for girls” and that never came from me and I can guarantee that. But liie society like- even in her little shows like girls always the pink character and then like she went to school one day and they were making slime, and they had green slime for the boys and pink slime for the girls 

Brandy: oh yeah 

Bethany: So she already has these like preconceived little gender notions that I constantly having to battle because the outside world is like, “no your a girl you have to be like this, “and boys can’t like pretty fancy things and we always have to reminder her- cause Codys favorite color is pink, adn all the time I have to be like, : hey wasn't daddy’s favorite color, is daddy a girl?” Like cody’s like 6’2 like fucking wall of beef, ok. 

Zoe: Cody like works in like fucking construction. 

Bethany: He does and so his favorite color is  pink, people don't give him shit about it, he's acutally gotten shit from being gay quote on quote, quite a few times, but it's never really been something we taught  because were like look, “daddy follows the law of the manly rules and his favorite color’s still pink, that doesn't make him a girl and I constantly gotta tell her just cause she's a girl, she can like traditionally masculine things and it’s just like I'm constantly teaching her little things like this and then just like somthing in the world contradicts me and i always feel like that's the hardest part 

Brandy: Drives a truck, <laughs> I don't wear a lot of makeup, I have short hair, and somebody's like, “Who’s gonna teach her how to play baseball?” and I’m like, “ are you stupid?! I am.” <laughs>

Bethany: Like look at me <laughs>. Also what’s the assumption that the man can play baseball? Cody can’t play baseball. Cody how are you gonna teach Ezra how to play baseball?

Zoe: Dude my mom fucking loves baseball and that's also another gag because I have the most lesbian ass mother who’s actually the straightest person I’ve ever met in my entire life 

Brandy: I know, I got into an argument about guns one time with somebody at a bar and he's like- he thought it was derogatory to say, “fine, go home to your wife,” and I'm like, “ at least I could get one if I wanted one.” 

Zoe: <Laughs>

Bethany: Yeah I’d be like, “your just jealous cause I could get more pussy than you.”

Brandy: I was like, do you think that's like a slap to the face, it's not. Do you think it's the first time I have been thought of, or called a lesbian? No. Is it gonna be the last? No. Do I care? No.

Bethany: <inaudible> “Cause everything is boy or girl like what, boys can marry boys?!”  Yes Ezra, you can marry anything you want as long as there is consenting adults. 

Brandy: Ah, there is this one time so it was in day care so she would have been in kindergarden and I picked her up- um well so it was before or after school kinda daycare thing so I picked her up and shes like, “ma all these kids are calling me a lesbian,” and I’m like, “what,” and I'm like, “you know, it's not a bad word so it’s fine, so if they wanna say that, don't take it offensively it’s not- it’s not bad, “ you know but I was like, I didn't know if she was ready to understand all that, you know but, I mean I'm sure she probably could have handle it, I was just like, if they say it’s not a bad word then you're  fine. I just wouldn't let her say, stupid. I wouldn't let her call anybody stupid.

Zoe: <laughs> That was the end game, was that I couldn't say stupid, or dumb

Brandy: Yup don't call anybody stupid, don't call anybody dumb.

Bethany: Ezra has one time when she is allowed to say the f-word. 

Zoe: <inaudible>

Bethany: Well yeah, I know she awfully little but she’s allowed to say fuck the police.

Zoe: Yeah that's fair 

Bethany: <laughs> And she'll ask too, she’ll be like, “mommy can I say the bad word?, “ and I'm like yeah man go for it, and she like, “Fuck the police, “ and it's hilarious because its in her tiny little girl voice 

Zoe: I love that. Um if you ever were to get that on film i would like to see it, cause I too want to see that and I feel like that’s the cutest fucking thing shit ever. 

Bethany: Last time we were talking abot school shootings, casue you know you like talk to your kid about- as little as she is, you kinda, you know-  I get anxiety about it so we were having a conversation about it and so we were talking about that school where the cops like waited outside for like an hour-

Brandy: Uvalde.

Bethany: Yes that one, and she ws like, “Mommy can I say it?!,” and was like yeah now is a good time. 

Brandy & Zoe: <laughs>

Zoe: Smart kid, smart kid.

Bethany: I know, she is very political already, i know im doing well on that front. 

Brandy: Well I have this welcome mat that say “fuck off”, so then when my brother kids saw it, especially the six year old there like, <exaggerated noises>, that’s a bad word. 

Zoe: well what made it so funny was that, <laughs> so he was like “Zoe what does that say?,” and Im like, “You can sound out words right?,” and hes goes yeah, so I’m like, “ well sound it out, and he sounded it out and he goes, “(sounding out the world slowly), fuck,” and then he like looked at me, and I was like, “ Say it again, read it again,” and he goes, “fuck,” and he goes <gasps> and hes eyes got so wide and his mouth dropped and he looked at me and I said, “ your fine kid literally just  let you say that.”  

Bethany: You're like, I baited you into that, so bad. 

Zoe: and then were sitting in the car and i think i took them to go get like Pancheros or whatever which is basically just like Iowan Chipotle that's so much better let me just say anyways but I was like okay, since Leyton, the youngest, I was like since he got to say-

Brandy; That's Levi by the way.

Zoe: Oh yeah right fuck, I don’t even know all the names. So the youngest I was like alright you gotta say a swear word, so I was like your two older siblings can say a swear work and I said you know nothings off limits you know you can say one thing and the oldest said fuck and I was like alright cool, and the middle one goes, “ so we can say anything?,” and I said “yeah, yeah you can say anything” and he goes “I don’t think it's very good,” and I was like, “it’s fine I don’t think its a bog deal,” and this motherfucker, says the n-word, hard R and i was like, oh my God. 

Bethany: How did I know that’s where this was going?

Zoe: I know, well  I didn’t even know that was an fucking option in his head, and I was like “woah ok you can’t say that one… ever there’s not exceptions, I don’t even say that word,” and he’s like, “really, and I was like “no.”

Bethany: You said any word, I knew that is is where it was going 

Zoe: He’s parents are a little bit different, a little bit more traditionally Ohioans some might say….

Bethany: <laughs>

Brandy: the youngest one was using gay as a deragatory, and I’m in the kitchen and I just stop him right there and said absolutely not, not in my house , you don't ever use that word like how you use it, it's not a bad word you don't ever, you know, went on and one, and Kyle was like, “ well he doesn't know,” and I was like, “ well he needs to learn.”

Zoe: I was about to say he can learn I literally just taught his middle kid that you can't say the n-word under any circumstances- 

Bethany: Yeah he better learn today. 

Zoe: He settled with cunt later, which I was like that’s better, <Laughs>

Bethany: That's a different convo though too like ok. 

Brandy: Yeah but this is also the littlest one, I came when my brother was living with me when he was gong through a divorce he had the kids over and I was like, what in the is all this ruckus down stairs, I come down stairs stabbing a box and a knife, er with the knife and he’s like, “ this is China,” I’m like, Oh my god do you listen to Fox News?!

Zoe: Yeah he deos. My uncle is the type of man that actually, genuinely listens to Alex Jones like hes a fucking- 

Brandy: Ben Shapiro. 

Zoe: Yeah, fucking gods 

Brandy: Yeah it’s weird, it’s weird weird weird 

Bethany: Yeah I came from a racist famliy too dude. 

Zoe: Cause he's not even like there traditional ,like trumper, he's not even- he's not even necessarily like a trumper, pro trump type of person weirdo right wing q-anon, bitch like that the type of person that he is 

Brandy: Well hes started more of a tea party with Ron Paul and like that's where he got sucked down that hole. 

Zoe: Everything is like a fucking government conspiracy story. Im pretty sure if he told this man that like- that you need to wear a tin foil hat so the aliens wouldnt come fucking suck you soul out your butthole, he would absoultely wear a tin foil hat from not till the day that he fucking died.

Brandy: So that's what worries me about his kids because his ex-wife and her family ate far out there, you know any so  I’ve already seen it like carry over the kids and I'm like absolutely not.

Zoe: Oh and these children go to a school called literally The Christain school where on there websit they brag about only teaching Christain values and how they values christainly and christian backed learning over science…. yeah.

Bethany: Wow that's awful, is that even legal?

Zoe: Uhh in Ohio yeah 

Bethany: we dont teach facts, we’ll brag about it 

Brandy: for $21,000 dollars a year for 3 kids it’s like, oh

Zoe: Yeah keep in mind, these people do not make much more than what my mo- these people make much less than what my mom makes and are raising fucking 3 kids on that 

Brandy: They scholarships and stuff to but not that we have the whole voucher.

Zoe: Fuck, also, aslo if you go to a public school, no, if you go to a private school around the place I grew up, your a dumb kid, like I’m not even, like your going to a dumb school, that’s it, like the best possible school you could go too, is public school. And like, I had like a pretty solid ass education im sure its  probably similar, shitty teacher, shitty admin, like went done that road before but like it is a very good school and so so like you're pulling your kid out to send them into shittier education to match whatever fucking wack ass values you have like they're not even learning.

Bethany: You know what's so funny to about that, so I work in public school and everyone always talking about groomers, “ oh they’re grooming our children to be liberals,”dude most of your goddamn teachers are fucking Trump supports! Ok! 

Zoe: Literally. 

Bethany: Most,- and the liberal ones are moderate at fucking best ok, like there is not one out here teaching- like the one person who probably teach anything about pronouns is also the one person who will run the GSA, you know, like is like the one teacher on the whole campus. 

Zoe: A lot of- I think a lot of Iowa teachers, Iowa Public School teachers are pretty liberal I would say.

Bethany: well this is California to so were supposedly so progressive but like were really not allowed to say shit to your kids and were much more likely to get in trouble for saying something progressive, <inaudible>.

Zoe: Oh yeah that's absolutely still at Iowa too, yeah which is so wack to me too, like I don’t think Iowa was gonna go out of there way to be like protecting trans kids in school or anything like that or making sure that likeI don't know, in sex ed that they learn about pronouns and shit but like.

Brandy: Well, well you know Rochelle’s a school counselor right?

Zoe: Mmmm.

Brandy: So she would help out transgender kids at the school, in a small, small community that's maybe got under a thousand people I don't know how many people are there-

Zoe: so like teeny, tiny ass town, yeah

Brandy: Yeah so, but then all of these rules come down and they can’t talk about it, if they ask any questions she not allowed ot answer then and the whole if the kid wants to be another pronouns she’s suppose to report back to the parent, you know, I would hate to be in schools 

Zoe: Yeah seriously.I saw something today that was basically just like dude if you if your kid is not telling you about their gender this inst particular to gender but like it’s because they don't fucking trust you enough of with that information and I’m like I don’t know, I just like been thinking about that over the day 

Brandy: But I think that's just any-

Bethany: If your one of those parents that’s like, you have to tell me if it happens, its probably- the reason if fucking obvious you know like their obvious the problem- 

Zoe: Yeah literally. Exactly. 

Bethany: Like the people who want the information the most are the ones who are the issue. And they don't even know it!

Brandy: But I think that's with anything I mean you gotta be able to let your kid trust you enough to let them… you know talk, you know and hopefully I did that enough with you that you were able to tell me everything, I think we did, you know, so-

Zoe: I would say so, i tell you a hell of a lot, maybe a bit too much sometimes. <laughs> 

Brandy: Probably. Same, same, same, same. <laughs> 

Bethany: That's what I’d like with Ez one day like I wasn't like that with my mom, you still can’t tell my mom shit, but I’d love Ezra to one day be able to be like, talk to me about these things, that's one of my few parenting goals. 

Brandy: Yeah I mean like I feel like that's the way I was brought up with my mom and grandma. They were both cruel humor, hilarious. My grandma had memes before there was memes she literally had a file in her draw in her office in her house with um, jokes- 

Zoe: Like dirty jokes-

Brandy: Dirty jokes

Zoe: *laughs*

Bethany: So ahead of her time. What an icon-

Brandy: -She- she was, she was funny, no holes barged she would say like whatever-

Zoe: -This bitch like on her fucking deathbed told my- so my aunt, like my great aunt, her daughter, like leaned over and was like “Hey mom I’m like gonna go home and take a shower” and she on her fucking deathbed goes “Good cause I can smell your pussy”

Bethany: *laughs* Oh my God!

Brandy: For real, for real. So- so nothing, nothing was ever taboo, and in my house, and you know-

Zoe: -I come from a long generation of ladies who don’t give a fuck!

Brandy: Yes!

Zoe: I’m very proud about that.

Brandy: Nothing’s off limits, yeah.

Bethany: I’m tryna raise a “don’t give a fuck”, I did not have that *laughs*

Brandy: *laughs*

Zoe: Hey, you know what? You’re the one breaking the cycle and that’s all that matters.

Bethany: Hopefully.

Brandy: Yeah, it was- it was, it was pretty entertaining cause a lot of people would be like “Your grandma said that?”

Zoe: Yeah

Brandy: *laughs* You know? Somebody- we were at a family reunion and somebody was in the food line and accidentally elbowed my grandma in her boobs, you know she was probably in her 70s since she’s like pretty firm for an old broad. I was like [inadudible] *laughs*

Bethany: *laughs*

Brandy: So yeah, she- she would be like the best person for Tiktoks now

Zoe: Oh for sure

Brandy: I don’t know, I see a lot of those with like people with their elderly parents and I just crack up because I mean- you know I would call my grandma during an Iowa Hawkeye’s basketball game and- just to fuck with her- and she would pick up the phone, I’m like “Hey grandma, what’re you doing?”, and she’s like “Fuck off, I’m watching the game” and hang up on me, you know? And so we just like purposely, we would all do it just to you know, get under her skin because it was fun. I mean you can’t beat out on telling your- your grandma telling you to fuck off. 

Zoe: That is true *laughs*

Brandy: That is the reason we are how we are. So, sorry

Zoe: True. And one of my favorite family heirlooms, like one of the only things that I will ever get from her ever, from my great-grandmother, *laughs* are these two little frog figurines that- they’re normal little frogs right? They just hang out, they’re cute, they’re tiny, but when you flip them over they’re actually anatomically correct *laughs* and so- and so one of ‘em has-

Bethany: -Oh my gosh!-

Zoe: -Has some tits and some vulve and the other one has a little penis. They’re beautiful-

Brandy: -Yeah-

Zoe: -Yeah, Cool-

Brandy: -Yeah, I’ll send ‘em to you Zoe and you can- you can share.

Zoe: Oh yeah that’d be great

Brandy: Yeah

Zoe: I think that’s all the time we have today, but it has been such a joy, I think? I hope! *laughs* To have my mom here and sharing all of my nitty-gritty stories. Happy Mother’s day to all of the moms that are, all of the moms that will be, all of the moms who have kids, who don’t have kids, the parents to friends, the parents to…children, the parents to adult children.

Bethany: Parents to four-legged animals.

Zoe: Parents of four-legged animals. Parents of snakes, other amphibians. Parents of animals that do not have four legs. 

Bethany: Oh that’s not the same!

Brandy: Bethany, I sent Zoe a Mother’s day present-

Bethany: -Oh my God!- 

Brandy: -*laughs* Was it last year?

Zoe: Cause I kept giving her shit about it, I was like “Look, I’m not having children so the least that you can do *chuckles* Anyways, thank you mom for coming, I really appreciate it. 

Brandy: You’re welcome, it was fun. 

Zoe: Birthday in 7 minutes so maybe I’ll stretch it out for 7 minutes and and keep talking for this outro. <laughs> 

Brandy: I gotta go to bed. 

Zoe: Yes so thank you for coming I really appreciate it, Bethany thank you for sharing some of your stoires. If your curious on hereing a little bit more about Bethany's birth story, um we did quite a big feature on it during out Birth control episode in season two?

Bethany: Kinda scattered about.

Zoe: True, you have to listen to the whole podcast, sorry, suck for you <laughs>.

Bethany: Yeah every episode, go ahead.

Brandy: I did it's not that bad, it's good. 

Zoe: <Laughs>. Thanks mom, it's not that bad, you heard it here folks.

Bethany: Won’t you like that. 

Zoe: Yeah. <laughs>. Thank you all for coming today. I hope you have a fantastic Mothers day and we will see you next time  back to out regularly scheduled material. Bye everyone! 

Bethany: Bye!

Brandy: Bye!