Zoe: Hey everyone welcome to the latest episode of Squirts, today we are talking about Cryptids. I'm your host Zoe the CEO and founder of necessary behavior and I'm here with your favorites and my favorites Bethany and London. So before we get started talking about some very scary creatures by very, I mean these are pretty like PG creatures, uh what are yall smoking? 

Bethany: Im smoking, im smoking a pre-roll, you know classic, it's got infused hash its something called like a lolo. It's not one of my normals. I went in for my usual shit and they were all out so I got a random but you know they're nice they're all right 

Zoe: that's a bummer but like I mean you know got that you get to try out new things

Bethany: yeah well normally I go with my diamond infused stuff so this was hash infused which is a little different than what I'm used to, It's definitely got a like a weird like Flavor I mean not bad but different flavor. 

Zoe: Right, following. 

Bethany: For all my weed connoisseurs ou there

Zoe: Also diamond infused, very fancy. 

Bethany: Oh yes!

London: What am I smoking, I don't know, well i do know, its this shitty weed, gelato its called  very shitty, it just wasn't hitting so i tried to make edibles with it this weekend and it's my first time ever doing the whole like process and doing sciency shit in the oven with the weed, and all that good stuff and yeah I made some cookies. And so i'm excited, yea, so while it is the shittiest weed i have had in a while it was useful for my first endeavor into the edible world

Bethany: That what shitty weed is for shitty weed is for edibles 

Zoe : True. I have a watermelon kush, it is, uh 80% indica, ​​distinct fruity watermelon flavor profile reminiscent of grape with hashy undertones… it's weed

Bethany : Yea I know im like, thats very, thats very like adversity, it could taste like whatever as longs as it fucking got me high baby

Zoe: True. It's a Cryptids episode *audible excitement*

Bethany: Yay! *audible excitement* Cryptids! so Cryptids are animals that cryptozoologists believe may exist somewhere in the wild but are not believed to exist by mainstream science according to WIki. So a cryptozoologists is pretty much just like uh an eccentric regular zoologist which is like a uh  animal uh, but they're they're looking for animals that might not necessarily be accepted as you know fact those little those little fun fantasy monsters 

Zoe: Are they fantasy or are they reality? <imitation of ghost noises>

London: I guess we are going to find out today!

Bethany : Did we want to get into our favorite? 

Zoe : I like the lochness monster the most, for sure  I think it's just cute!

London: Nessi 

Bethany: Girl boss!

Zoe: Girlboss, gatekeep!

Bethany: Nessi, that's a classic. I love El Chupacabra only because uh it's the punchline to one of my stupid jokes setups where I'm like,  “you know what really gets my goat” and they're like “what”, and im like: “ El Chupacabra”  which is a goat eating monster but I'm in Southern California so most people know that without me having to explain it <laughs> so anyone who was like: “what the fuck a Chupacabra?”, that's what, it's a monster that eats goats. 

Zoe: I also really like the Mothman 

Bethany: It's just like Mothra like with the day job

Zoe: Basically, yeah 

Bethany : Oh I also I have to name drop I have to name drop Bigfoot because I lived in Humboldt County uh for a while and I know it's one of many places Bigfoot supposedly lived but they are big about bigfoot in parks like in the redwood forest and you know what it's a big ass fucking  forest if they found out something was out there, id be like “ok”. But also they do a lot of drugs in humboldt so if bigfoot wasnt real, id believe that too. 

Zoe: <laughs> That's not… yea that tracks, but like what else is there to do in a heavily wooded area than just sit and do a lot of drugs? 

Bethany: Dude literally it's the best place to do drugs, like with nature f, like you go there and and you see like; 

Zoe: So obviously bethany is living with bigfoot,<laughs> use to live with Bigfoot 

Bethany: He was a good guy,  I married him. 

London: <inaudible> laughs

Zoe: London do you, do you ever ever lived with any cryptids 

London: Um, i don't think so, cuz i've never been in f  middle of nowhere and that's where all the cryptids sing the bee

Zoe: I’m surprised that like ohio doesn't have any cryptids  give that its like mostly farmland but apparently even then farmland is like too lame for the cryptids which is kind of boring 

Bethany: It's because you guys have like crop circles 

Zoe: No! We don't!

Bethany: You guys don't have any crop circles? 

Zoe: Do you remember when we did the alien episode, no, cuz the i just listened to the alien episode not too long ago, do you remember when we did the alien episode and we were like Oh my God why are there 0 cases in Iowa when we literal have the corn for the crop circles 

Bethany: Oh yea, what the f Iowa, do something with your life, will you? Like what the f do you got going for you Iowa, Zoe not even there anymore not you dont even got that going for you anymore. <laughs> 

Zoe: <Laughs> exactly, exactly, i was the coolest b in Iowa, let that be said 

Bethany: Zoe’s mom?!

Zoe: True, sorry, sorry mom, my mom was so good

She's the coolest b 

London: <gasps> yes, your mom, your mom she's cooler than you <laugh>

Bethany: Shout out to Zoe's mom!

London: Shout out to Zoe's mom! Our biggest supporter 

Zoe: Shout out to my mom, thanks for listening mom, i actually didn't think your gonna listen to this, so it's pretty tight that you did. I appreciate that. 

Bethany: That's so funny I would never show this to my mother, I’d be like, “ha ha ha, no”

London: no me neither

Zoe: Ok so we're gonna get into like some of just like general cryptids, we’ve got 5 to talk about today so like, i mean you probably heard of all these like if your listening to this episode and you’ve never heard of some of these cryptids, um, you should probably watch a little, you know, some discovery channel in your free time. 

Bethany: Or move out from under the rock you live under, f, like 

Zoe: True 

Bethany : How could you not hear of these 

Zoe: Yea exactly exactly, um, who wants to talk about who? I wanna talk about Loch Ness monster, who wants to do…

Bethany: Let me talk about bigfoot bro 

Zoe: Ok you got bigfoot, london you got yeti, does that make sense 

London: Why'd I get stuck with Yeti, I mean he’s cool, I could talk about him, he was in monster’s inc, yea, i got this. <chuckle> 

Zoe: Cool cool 

Bethany: yea he was just next, you can do whoever you want we don't have to do it in that order dude 

London: no, <chuckle>  

Zoe: This is a yeti hate account 

Bethany: If you had feelings about yeti, like you, <chuckle> you don't have to do it 

London: I hope he was, let me actually check who was in monsters inc, I think it was a yeti 

Bethany: In monsters inc, yea, o my god the yellow snow, the lemon

London: <Chuckle> ok cool, i'll talk about him cuz he was cool 

Bethany: <Clears throat> ok, so let's do the big BF. 

Zoe: Get quatching.

Bethany: Is, is bigfoot always sasquatch, is that, is that  are those synonyms 

Zoe: I think so, I think those are one and the same. 

Bethany: Ok 

London: I feel like the sasquatch was also his own b sometimes, but maybe not 

Bethany: Yeah, yeah ok so i'll bring that up I thought that too! Um so im gonna do the big BF because of my time in the redwoods, me and big hairy gorilla man here, uh we go way back, um bigfoot also commonly referred to as sasquatch, although london and i agree, we sometimes feel like sasquatch is a different person, i don't feel like bigfoot and sasquatch are always the same. 

Zoe: Well sasquatch is like, is like a professional name, like that's his like his name on his <inaudible> <laughs> 

Bethany: Is bigfoot like just like the most famous sasquatch?

Zoe: <inaudible> 

London: They put it as just a street name, <laughs>

Bethany: <Laughs>  its his street name.

London: No BF 

Bethany: Ok! <chuckle >

London: That's who he is 

Bethany: Is he, he is an ape-like creature, said to inhabit the forest of north america, like i said i lived and worked in the redwood forest, so um, i don't know, I would believe it, id believe some motherfucker was out there, there… there’s something about being out there, where you're like, “yeah id believe some weird paranormal crap happened out there, like the world feels really really old. 

London: Is bigfoot, like is bigfoot like only local to california, or is that just like a..any forest type thing

Bethany: No he actually i've heard him in oregon as well, i've also feel like he's been in colorado, i feel like he popped up in more than one place, i just happen to be in that place where he popped up 

London: Yea so im feeling like if you've ever been in a forest you could have possibly been in the presence of bigfoot. So technically zoey we all could have possibly been in an area with a cryptide before. 

Zoe: Oh what, thats super so cool, ok thats neat 

Bethany: I mean like if bigfoot is like a or the sasquatches if the sasquatches are just like a forest species, yea, they're roaming, they're not like deer. 

London: Their roaming around 

Bethany: Their not deer, only around in one place, you know, their everywhere 

Zoe: Its gotta be more that like one bigfoot too 

Bethany : Yea there have to be more than one like as far apart as they’ve been spotted. Ok, my dubious articles have been offered… wait no.. this what i get for reading right off the outline, that's not a good sentence friends, i think they meant, “ many dubious new sources have offered money if someone can prove bigfoot's existence.. Most evidence is anecdotal claims as well as alleged video and audio recordings, uh and photographs and cast of large footprints. I mean you can fake some of that stuff, that's for sure 

Zoe: Yea just get a bestie with a big foot 

Bethany: Also I feel ;like sometimes people are really stupid and it might have just been a bear and they're just dumb. Wouldn't it just be funny also if it was just some gorillas got out of a zoo one time and then like their running around and people are “like what the f, why’s there..”, it's much more likely that it's <inaudible> than a gorilla up here in north america and I'd be like “yea ok ill by that”. Um lets see,  some descriptions say bigfoot is around 6- 9 feet tall, although some go as high as 10 to 15. Thats a bear, we’re talking about bears. 

Zoe: That's crazy!

Bethany: Oh! Although one man claimed that it looked more human than animal.. The missing link 

London: Oh so it's just some hairy naked guy, is what i'm hearing. It’s was just cody!

Bethany: <Laugh> yeah it was just cody! Walking around 

Zoe: <Laughs> it's just cody! 

Bethany: There’s so many lumberjack types up there, it was probably just like your buddy bryan and like the guys from work walking around with all their shirt on

London: Yeah the dude was probably on some shrooms or some shit

Bethany: Oh my gosh, ok,  are we gonna do neesi? 

Zoe: Yes! My girl, my sweet sweet love, miss ness, miss nessi , miss Renesmee, 

Bethany: Oh my god, how did i fucking know it was gonna go back to Renesmee, I fucking knew we were gonna get there 

london: <Laughs> you named my,<laugh> “you fucking name my daughter are the lochness monster”! 

Bethany: I mean when you name her fucking Renesmee, oh my god bella, were you on crack, of course shes fucking nessi,  your lucky they came up with something out of that shit

Zoe: i mean this girl was drinking blood as a human so like you can't get any weirder than that 

Bethany: *Whisper* Oh God.  the whole… God, that one, that last book, wow

Zoe: From the styrofoam cup at that…

Bethany: Oh my god just wow, just getting a baby ripped outta you 

Zoe: <Laughs> 

Bethany:: Jeez, anyway.. Nessi!

Zoe: <Chuckle>, so the lochness monster affectional known as nessi, i, i have stake the claim that nessi is a girl, cuz it just, it just doesn't make sense if nessi is a boy, nessi is too cute to be a boy, anyways..

London: No, nessi is a bad bitch

Zoe: <inaudible> 

Bethany: Im cutting that,  boys can be cute, you can be cute and feminine and be a boy, do what you want ,live your life 

London: Um nessi doesn't have a gender, there just a bad bitch....that's it! 

Bethany: Yea there gender is bad bitch.. Exactly I five that!

Zoe: Ok ok yes, um anyways, so they are said to inhabit the loch ness of the scottish highlands, um it's often described as a large long necked and with one or two humps protruding from the water, they are built…to be loved…

London: <laughs> 

Zoe: Anyways…

Bethany: Nessi’s love handles

London: “...my humps, my lovely lady lumps” <laughs>

Zoe: She got long neck and humps.

Bethany: Ahh her lumps 

Zoe: Ahe got those lady 

London: Lovely lady lumps 

Zoe: <Chuckles> genderless lady lumps… um, so, <laughs>  it got worldwide attention in 1933 and it was basically just like  an account of this dude George spicer’s alleged sighing. Um and like the public got super interested and there were like a ton of letter being sent it describing monster fish,  sea serpents, dragons, um but they ultimately settled on the name, the loch ness monster because of where it was located uh around the 1940’s um, er or later after that and then around the 1940s thats when its was called “ nessi”. And there is like a ton of information about nessi, you can find it anywhere, you can watch twilight and hear nessi, thats cute right <laughs>

London: <Laughs> 

Bethany: You know, the Loch Ness monster is a lot more modern than I thought it was gonna be, 1933, that like a.. I thought it was gonna be a lot older than that, but 1933, yeah i don't know that doesnt sound old to me.

London: Thats under 100 years 

Bethany: Cuz some of those stories are like so old you know,  like ancient and then, neesi just like, yeah 1930 bruh. 

Zoe: <Laughs>, true, the fresh youngin.

Bethany: Also, uh, bigfoot i have one dating to uhhh, a sighting dating to 1721

Zoe: Ohh, thats crazy 

Bethany: If you really really wanna go back for it, uh, cryptozoologists actually have cave painting from indigenous north american cultures that reference bigfoot. 

Zoe: <gasp>. Thats crazy thats super neat 

Bethany: Yeah well I mean they can't confirm it references bigfoot of course but they suspect it reference bigfoot. 

Zoe: Right… it's like….mmm 

Bethany: I mean it's pretty convincing  

Zoe:That looks very… particular…

Bethany: I mean it looks… yeah, like id by thats bigfoot, it could also be a scary fucking bear though, i dont know 

Zoe : True, true, i mean anything can be a scary bear

Bethany: <Laugh> any of these cryptids 

Zoe: Uhhh mis yeti.. 

Bethany: Yeti in my spaghetti

London: Yeti time.. let me find mr yeti, i gonna preface this with: , I don't know much t about the yeti, I didn't know much about the yeti but were about to find out, but also a boring ass cryptide, a boring ass cryptide like no one, no one cares about the yeti and I think its cuz the yeti, just always, 

Bethany: What!

London: Maybe cuz the yeti like actually lives…nowhere

Bethany: What!

London:  Like.. I don't know anyone that talks about the yeti.

Bethany: The  yeti hate, I feel like the yeti is like only second to bigfood

Zoe: This is the yeti hate group <chuckle> 

Bethany: He just like mountain, hes just snowy mountain bigfoot, come one, its like saying oh i like grizzly bears but fuck polar bears like come on 

London: Bigfoot steals his thunder 

Zoe : Yeah basically 

Beth You know what i need to raise more awareness for yeti i mean like global warming is affect these climates okay, like he's probably up there on his melting mountain hes gonna have to go and try and live like bigfoot and he's not built for that ok, respect for yeti’s,  somebody save the yeti habitat 

London: It turns out, it is just bigfoot, <chuckle> i dont know, its just bigfoot but thats when he like goes through like the fucking mountain and shit so..

Bethany: Thats hes winter coat 

London: No ok so the yeti is an apelike… <chuckle>, its beautiful, the yeti is an apelike creature supposedly he inhabit the himalayas mountain range which is dope because that immediately makes me thing of Phineas and Ferb, and if yall dont know, I love Phineas and ferb… but um

Bethany: Who doesn't..

London: <Laugh>, and there.. And one of their episodes there in the Himalayas and they meet the himalayan bathing suit who's named Klimpaloon. I googled it just so I remember.

Bethany: <Laugh> 

London: But yes , so they live together And I like to imagine that they’re friends and they are just chilling in the himalayas <laugh> anyways…. so in western popular culture he is commonly referred to as the “abominable snowman”, and you may know he as that in monsters inc.! see the yeti is famous we just don't care about him

Bethany: Aww, i do not support the yeti hate, im pro yeti, i think your just hating on bigfoot diversity 

London: <Laughs> that's fair,   but i'm realizing my bias now and i'm gonna stop hating on the yeti, umm what else about the yeti..aw thats cute, the himalayan nation nepal selected yeti as the mascot for the the visit nepal 2020 and, yeah, you know they yeti he's famous, he’s in monsters inc, check him out of you haven't.

Zoe: Cute!

London: Is this the lepcha people, ok lepcha, these lepcha people, what did they believe..oh they worshiped a glacier being and their thinking that's the yeti, is that what that is?

Bethany: Ohh as God of the hunt. You know if he’s a good hunter, i could see that 

London: That's cool see this, this takes back all my yeti slander, he's kinda dope, sorry yeti once again my bias was showing…. Gotta make a public apology, I don't wanna get canceled < laughs>

Bethany: I know he's gonna have a talk with you later 

London: <Laughs>

Zoe: Um who wants to do the Mr. Chupacabra, not mis chupacabra…

Bethany: I'll do it.. You know what's funny, it because it ends with an “a” you’s think it would be “la chupacabra” but i hear “el chupacabra” the most but it ends with an “a” so wouldn't it be “ la chupacabra”?

Zoe: Oh… yea, i feel like, yea technical but i feel like you see that thing and you think, “ thats a man” 

Bethany: I mean she could just be a hungry lady 

London: Zoe you are out her passing judgment on everyone's looks today, 

Bethany: I know….You know what london you do not get to talk now either ok you're both being bad today 

London & Zoe: <laughs> 

London: All our biases are coming out! We’re exposed.

Bethany: Your both fired 

London: Sorry we're human… oopsies, thats okay tho 

Bethany: So the next one we are gonna talk is el chupacabra, or I argue, La chupacabra because it ends with an a, and i don't know, she cool, she got fangs got being eyeballs, like a little snakey tongue

Zoe: She sucks your goats 

Bethany: Yess, she sucks your goats uhh the chupacabra, or chupacabras literally translates to goat sucker..

Zoe: Yea girl..!

Bethany: Um its folklore from the americas, um, this, our outline says puerto rico but i know its in Mexico and I know people talk about it in socal so i imagine other parts of america that are really intertwined with like mexican culture probably as well, i don't know for sure though… anyways sightings have been report in puerto rico since the 1970 and also though different parts latin america and in uh the south western united states it typically depicted more as dog like where as in, um, the latin american countries, it's closer to a small bear. But i have heard it more as like of dog 

Zoe: She a lady of many forms!

Bethany: She's got options! 

London: I didn't get that she was supposed to be sucking their blood, and I thought she was just sucking on them, like their whole physical body…

Bethany: I thought she just like sucked the meat off their bone, but i didn't know she sucked their blood

London: Well apparently that what it says here

Zoe: She got an oral fixation 

Bethany: There’s sucking going on that's for sure, it's a messy suck fest 

London: What if they misinterpreted the cupata.. Cupa, can you pronounce that for me bethany?

Bethany: Chupacabra.. 

London: There we go, got it chupacabra 

Bethany: Although some Mexican person might be out there yelling at me for my pronunciation, in which case,  I'm sorry, yeah, sorry…

London: We apologize, but what if they were just sucking with their like, teeth the whole time and it was never about the blood and they just wanted goat milk, and they just saw it wrong 

Bethany: I mean.. then the name would still be accurate at least it would still be goat sucking your just sucking a different thing. Anyways its known for going around and slaughter all your damn livestock each cows and eat your goats and one case, in a town in puerto rico caravanas, sorry if i said that wrong, as many as 150 farm animal and pets were reportedly killed by the chupacabra 

Zoe: Thats crazy 

Bethany: Yea so you know our girl got a body count,  that's for sure

London: pur! 

Zoe: She's been around, she knows what she's doing. 

Bethany: love that 

Zoe: I heard it takes one clean fight!

Bethany: I love me a messy bItch 

Zoe: Yup, ok. Um london want to hit us with the jersey devil 

London: Alrighty, the next cryptid is the jersey devil ,it very much looks like the pink panther at the, at the head and it has..

Bethany: That's like a goat head 

London:  <Laughs> I wanna describe it because it looks so fucking insane. ok it's like a goat head idk why its like a panther but like it has a goat head with wings and then like chicken legs  or like..

Bethany: I hate that i see the pink panther tho, i hate it,  as soon as you said that i'm like f it does look like the pink panther in this picture…<laughs>

London:  <Laughs> and then like the legs are like chicken or like ostrich, or like they feel like bird… like they look like hooves but there so skinny that they look like chicken legs <laughs>

Bethany: Those look like..yeah, if like a chicken and a horse had a baby, that's what those legs are 

Zoe: No, it's like kangaroo like… or another animal…

Bethany: No thoses are chicken legs, i agree,  they got that little, little bend to them 

Zoe: What is the, what is that other anima, the WYV

Bethany: Uhhh a wyvern? oh it's like a, its a dragon thing

Zoe: Oh, oh i've never heard of that before.

London: Oh it's suppose to be, so the jersey devil originating from southern new jersey, or south jersey cuz i don't wanna bother any locals, and so from south jersey and philly from the us, you know what it is, we hate it here, um its a legendary creature set to inhibit the forest of pine barrens, the creature is described.. i just described it for you, it looks insane, ok, but it's suppose to be a bipedal kangaroo like or is this wyver?- wait not wyver- 

Bethany: Wyvern, wyvern…

London: Wyvern, there we go, <laughs>, a wyvern like creature <laughs> ok so with the- that is not a horse head, i see the goat though..

Bethany: Wait, that is not a horse! That is not a horse

London:  But with a horse or goat-like head-

Bethany: I'll take pink panther over horse!

London: <Laughs>, it has been reported to move quickly and is often described as emitting a high pitch blood curdling scream, um i would do it..except for.. I can't yell but thats so funny 

Bethany: Um you know with the cloven hooves and the folktale, i get where we get the devil thing

Zoe: Yeah…

London: I guess.. But umm oh i see the tail, i didnt see the tail the first time, thats makes it even more insane, what the fuck is this suppose to be..

Bethany: Satan

London: It does look like it would come from a the fucking bible 

Bethany: Yeah right it looks very biblical, they got some crazy shit in there 

London: According to popular folklore, the jersey devil originated when a pine barrens resident named Jane leads know as mother leads, the legend states that ..the legend states that mother lead had 12 children and after finding she was pregnant for the 13th time, she cursed the child in frustration, crying that the devil.. That the child would be the devil… oh..

Bethany: Hey guys, so this is why Roe v Wade is so important because without abortion women are just cursing the children then their wombs to be devils… So if you're thinking about being on the fence for the pro choice movement, consider, hey,  if she can't get an abortion, is she gonna make another jersey devil? Ask yourself the next time your voting

Zoe: True

London:  They still somehow find that better than getting an abortion im  sure 

Zoe: They'd be like, “ that's another worker”... 

Bethany: Mother fuckers

London: Ok so after <chuckle> after the baby,  after the child was born it was normal until suddenly, it grew hooves, and a goat's head, some bat wings, a forked tail and became that bitch honestly. 

Bethany: And you know what mama probably bitching about it too , like” oh no my baby’s a monster” bitch, you did this like i hope he turned around and like ate you 

London: Growling and screaming.. The child beat everyone up with its tail.. Before flying up the chimney and heading into the <inaudible> 

Zoe: As he should! 

Bethany: Should have done worse you've been cursed, I would have ate you…

London:Um…

Bethany: Im a monster, no fuck it, lean into it 

London: In some versions of the legend, mother lead was supposedly a witch and the child's  father was the devil himself

Zoe: I like it! I support it. Its sounds like a very american…<inaudible> (relationship?)

Bethany: I mean that's cuter…so then it's just like a biracial baby you know, it's just biracial

London: sShe biracial people are the devil…

Bethany: No i didn't mean that I just meant like, no! cuz it was the witch and the devil 

London: Now bethany in trouble were all in trouble this episode

Bethany: I know, fuck < laughs> 

London: Um NB is canceled, it's fine um <laughs> there’s a wave, there was a wave, ooo she's old, there was a wave of sightings in 1909…

Bethany: Ooo, old lady! 

London: During the week of January 16th to the 23rd. Oh wow, these are like documented ok! News papers published hundreds of claimed encounters with a jersey devil. Were these people on drugs?

Zoe: She's got a passport 

Lonodon: Or maybe they all saw it, what was going on in 1909, but I feel like they try and explain everything away with like drugs or mass hysteria..

Bethany: I mean like those things do happen sometimes.. 

London: Y’know some things are just the cursed babe so I get it 

Bethany:: < Laughs> somethings are just a curse, babe

London: Um oo someone- the philadelphia zoo apparently posted a 10,000 dollar reward for the creature, that would be fu-, I wonder if that's true, if that's true can we find it? 

Bethany: I mean like I feel like lots of people do that, like some people spend their whole life looking for cryptids 

Zoe: Yeah but you already know its gonna just be the person who like, hasn't  been looking at all 

Bethany: The guy on accident 

London: I wonder, anyways.. but yea thats her

Zoe: I'm gonna share a really quick one, the sweet sweet fresno nightcrawler. So this is obviously from fresno the name gives it away obvi.. 

Bethany:: Not everyone knows where fresno is 

Zoe: Oh its in california, um however a man in poland has also claimed to see the creature so like she a ..she a world traveler, it.. came into being around uh december of 2014 um when a 6 year old former marine and his wife were driver near Carmel, California, i'm assuming when they came up over a hill and saw a 7 foot tall, slender gray creature that is now known as the carmel area creature. Um and its like been… she evolved into being a nightcrawler, but i think its really cute… really cute thing, um, the fresno nightcrawler appeared to be relatively short creatures, um but like most of their height is in their legs, um because have extreme small upper body, and if you have never seen a night crawler, you should definitely look them up they’re very cute um there extremely thin, white humanoid with no arms and a large specimen appears to have webbing connecting each knee to the torso. Um yeah that's a little bit about the fresno nightcrawler …it's only been seen like a couple times 

Bethany: Um so which urban legend did we think that uh were the, the mostly believable? 

Zoe: Honestly I feel like the bigfoot is the most believable out of every- all of them just because like…y’know he got places to be

Bethany: I was gonna say Nessi 

London: But at that point isn’t bigfoot just a bear?

Zoe: Oh yeah 

London: Yeah i would say…no, Nessi could just be..Nessi can be real cuz Nessi could just be any old… animal from like the bottom of the sea

Bethany: There's so much ocean shit, exactly, there's so much shit going on down there, like oh my God 

London: Yeah so… nessi probably real…um, yeti could be real,  but then yeti could be bigfoot so…

Bethany: Y’know what,  it would make more sense to me that Yeti was real than bigfoot because I feel like the forest have a lot more people go through then like the himalayas y’know…

Zoe: True 

Bethany: Like so few people, like go through parts of those mountains where a yeti could live like are just like too cold, so you would understand why it wasn’t still discovered because  like, y’know… less people 

Zoe: For sure

London: My thing for like yeti and bigfoot though is if we discovered these two would they not just be like..another bred of like a monkey or like a bear or something like I feel like it wouldn't even  be that exciting

Bethany: But I feel like that about the lochness monster too its probably just some sort of fucking fish reptile relative y’know, its like “ whatever” 

London: So i think what would be the coolest is if the,  like the chupacabras real.. Or the jersey devil  I feel really connected to her now 

Bethany: Okay I want all of that to be true 

London: I feel really connected to them now 

Bethany: I- Im accepting that into my belief

London: because just imagine seeing that, we need a holiday and like our mascot is the jersey devil 

Bethany: I also like the idea that if you're pissed off enough about being pregnant you can be like “ i'm gonna make a monster” what if she yelled something else, like what other monsters  can you make? 

Zoe: I’d get pregnant to find the that out 

Bethany: Do you have to get pregnant 13 themes though cuz thats a lot

Zoe: Yeah.. Yeah that's a lot 

Bethany:  It has to be the anger of 13 pregnancy 

London: Why would you curse your child when you're the one who 9 time outta 10, unless your just like fucking it but you have to deal with that, like its not like their just cursed and it has nothing to do with you..like you kind of done something to yourself too…

Bethany: She might not have been thinking,  it was 1909 she probably didn't have a lot of choice in the situation 

London: Yeah she was just mad 

Bethany: She was just like livid shes like, “ fuck more kids, holy shit” 

London: She was just like “fuck this kid.”

Bethany: Yeah exactly 

London: What she wanted was birth control, sorry babe 

Bethany: It is why birth control is important. Um Did we wanna a little FMK with our cryptids?

Zoe: Yes!

Bethany: Ok, so first FMKwe’ll just go down the list so oh i don't think i should put yeti and bigfoot in the same list uhh, they're too similar, om so FMK chupacabra, nessi and bigfoot. I feel like I'm killing chupacabra, no offense.. them teeth make me nervous… i don't know if i want her sucking me although that tongue looks pretty intense

London: Soo wait..

Bethany: So tongue vs teeth

London: Fuck chupacabra like… the suckling i need it, like even a little blood play i wouldn't mind 

Bethany: Ok so as long as you're into teeth, as long as they know when to stop 

London: Back to twilight, that made me think of twilight, see <laughs> 

Zoe: Ok bella… i would do- 

London: Im gonna kill bigfoot 

Zoe: Ok fuck bigfoot, marry nessi, I feel like she could take care of me and kill chupacabra alternatively, i would say fuck chupacabra, marry nessi, kill bigfoot, both of those make sense 

London: Yeah.. Marry nessi but i'm killing bigfoot but i just *sighs*Chupacabra looks a little freaky, we could have a good time, she has her tongue.. I could be into the biting a little blood play never hurt nobody, I'm down for pain, whatever it is, no pain, no game, so.. Lets go 

Bethany: Ok so the tongue game is the only thing that makes me think fuck, but the teeth makes me thing kill 

London: *Sighs* a little teeth never hurt anybody bethany, just a little grazing, and bigfoot it was- bigfoot was our last one he had nothing to offer.

Bethany: Im marrying bigfoot, i think i have to  kill nessi- no, God I don't really want to fuck nessi either.. Yeah i think i'm killing nessi, sorry nessi. Chupacabra and I are getting freaky but like we have safe words and stuff like i'm watching that shit…

London: Wait your fucking bigfoot bethany?

Bethany: No im marrying bigfoot because it's like the same, like nothing changes for me y’know he could just like slot right into cody’s spot and i probably wouldn’t notice too much 

London: Ok yeah that's what I thought I was like, that cody connection, I was feeling the vibes 

Bethany: And then <chuckle> chupacabra I think i decided fuck but we’er doing lots of safe words and i dont know i might need a buddy to make sure chupacabra doesn’t get cray-cray

London: *Gasps* Let me be your buddy! *gasps*

Bethany:: Um and we’re killing nessi, sorry nessi it's not cuz i have anything against you nessi but literally i don't really think sex with you would be very appealing, sorry… 

London: Nessi would make a good wife though, I can tell..

Bethany: She slippery

London: She’d take care of you  like in the ocean, like, i don't know 

Bethany: I feel like, ok no no, I feel like bigfoot would take care of you, bigfoot would take care of you he’d give you a little cuddle..

London: Thats fair 

Bethany: Like when you got off work and your like having like a long day your like “oh, a nice little snuggle”,  also like no guys gonna mess with you in public, like he’s gonna fuck some shit up, y’know 

Zoe: true 

London: I like the ocean more than i like the forest though, so I feel like that's what really does it for me 

Bethany: That's fair. Ok so than the other one would be, the jersey devil, the yeti and the fresco nightcrawler

Zoe: Oo thats a good one 

Bethany: So, so which animal do you think is the penis on the jersey devil? I feel like that's an important question here. Because it's mixed animals, which animal is the penis?

London: I wasn’t imagining mine with a penis so 

Bethany: Ok, no but it's like a mammal. It was birthed live right.. 

London: probably the horse…

Bethany: Yeah so like does it got a horse wang…because that's something worth conversation. <laughs> 

London: Big ol horse cock definitely 

Bethany: Or like is it one of these lame ones, it's like the chicken one ok ,like is it nothing, is it nonexistent

London: I've never even seen a chicken with a cock so, 

Bethany: Me either im like I feel like thats not a good sign right 

London: I don't see how those genes could overcome the horse 

Bethany: But those are chicken legs so, so which, which part is dominate, to the weenie section 

London: What's above the chicken legs? 

Bethany: Uh goat goat i think, i think its goat body 

London: Maybe it has a goat pee pee 

Bethany: See, this is what i'm saying it could be any pee pee I think maybe that's too much mystery for me, <laughs>I feel like I’d have to know ahead of time 

London: I feel like my cryptide doesnt have a pee pee so i'm gonna marry the jersey devil, I'm going to kill the Nightcrawler and I feel bad because I don't want to f*** them and i rather fuck the yeti and i know i talk shit about bigfoot but i would definitely fuck yeti so, I would fuckbigfoot too but ist just i would rather fuck um… its just that i would rather fuck the chupacabra 

Bethany: With that crazy tongue 

London: Um and that says a lot about me if you happy cuddling, in real life, that's how i am too so do with that what you will 

Bethany: i agree with your jersey devil statement, i think id go for the marry, um i would kill the yeti however, which is funny cuz i was the one defending the yeti but im killing the yeti, um and im think im fucking the fresno nightcrawler because I feel like theres some interesting scissoring opportunities there..

London: I'm not a scissoring girly so.. 

Bethany: I dont know ive never done it 

London: Me either cuz it seems like a lot of work.

Bethany:  Yea definitely seems like a lot of work, <inaudible>... id try it, id try it with the nightcrawler, there all leg, y’know you got to play with what you got right? 

London: That’s fair i'm just so anti- scissoring at this point cuz im, like why would you do that, it looks like so much effort like i get it but i just feels like so much effort and unnecessary, not unnecessary of your into it, but i dont think id be into it, doesn't mean i wouldn't try anything once so..

Bethany: And i'm trying it with the fresno nightwalker 

Zoe: Im gonna have to side with bethany alternatively, kill yeti, marry the nightwalker, fuck  the devil 

London: Your gonna fuck that thing, your gonna fuck that thing zoe?

Zoe; Yeah look at it

London: Well i’d have to f it if i married it..<inaudible> 

Bethany: What if it is a chicken penis?

Zoe: Ok and?

London: See the thing is i'm thinking logistically how if that gonna work, like how would you fuck that with with any penis?

Bethany: Exactly that what i'm saying it wouldn't, you wouldn't be able too

Zoe: Maybe the jersey devil just has like a strong like  head game y’know what i mean 

London: No i'm gonna have a sexless marriage with that thing because, no thank you. 

Bethany: London say that until he whips out a horse weenie and then she like “mmm maybe”

Zoe: <laughs> 

London: No horse cock is so , they are so large, they are so large, it's scary,  someone died from that..<inaudible> 

Bethany: Ok but if you were oh my god -what, oh my, oh my go- ok cutting that, someone cut that 

London: Apparently, allegedly, i don't know if its true  

Bethany: Mmm cut, cut mmm cut all that 

London: Regardless its too big 

Bethany: Yup moving on, oh my god  *distress sounds*  cut all of this, no you did not hear it here, no, < laughs> you did not 

Zoe: You found the thing that like really makes bethany’s skin crawl 

Bethany: We’re really bad this episode.. Nope nope nope not today satan, sorry 

London: I feel like it was solid advice though, people need to hear 

Bethany: *Distress noise* I hope they don't need to hear it, i hope it's not something they need to be told

London: Bethany there are all kinds of people in the word

Bethany: *Distress noises* Can ok moving on, before i have an aneurysm. So it says, “why are these stories so appealing? But I feel like there is a really big overlap in the wheres  like if you live in a really boring place or a place that's really dark and spooky, you probably have a cryptid somewhere..

Zoe: True 

Bethany: I feel like thats, i don't know, explanation enough

London: Thats fair

Zoe: If your a crypide you should probably move into Iowa just cuz i wanna see which one it would be 

Bethany: Yea cryptid, get Iowa, or Iowa get more creative and drugged out so you fucking make up  more shit ok, God, so uncreative 

Zoe: So uncreative.

London: Zoe you be the cryptid in Iowa just everytime you go up, you back dress up go into the forest, makes sure at least one persons see you and then do that everytime you go home 

Zoe: You’ll just see me in the middle of the cornfield

Bethany: You’ll be the cornfield queen, i don't know 

London: Ooo but then she’d be like an urban legend, we need her to be a cryptid

Zoe: Um i think that crypide are pretty sexy 

London: Not to sexualize that but I definitely, in an alternate universe, would be down, definitely definitely 

Bethany: Monster fucker 

Zoe: I mean thinking back to that one episode that we did on like with fancy dildos

Bethany: So you know if you wanna, y’know, live out any of your cryptide fucking experiences friends, check out bad dragon, were not sponsored  

London: Sponsor us please 

Bethany: The end 

Zoe: Ok um  i think this has been a really fun delightful episode that's very thought provoking in many ways. Yeah so thank you for sticking around, i really appreciate it and i’ll see you next time bye! 

Bethany: Bye! 

London: Bye!