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My Reflection Is Not Me

reflection noun

re·​flec·​tion | \ ri-ˈflek-shən  \

Definition of reflection

1: an instance of reflecting, especially: the return of light or sound waves from a surface... reflection on his character 6: a thought, idea, or opinion formed or a remark made... 7: consideration of some subject matter, idea, or purpose

Our memories, thoughts, experiences, and gaze are all inherent to ourselves, but when we glance towards a mirror, it casts an almost complete replica. The reflection possesses the same clothes, hair, eyes, muscles, etc.; it is as if our entirety is captured for the brief moments when light reflects off the surface of the glass. It can move identically to us even as we sporadically move from side to side and flail our arms but even with an identical image and the ability to mimic every physical function, when I look at my reflection it is not myself that I see.

The mirror image looks like me, down to the t. It maintains my facades, carries the bags under my eyes present from binging too many shows, and continues to display a functioning heart supporting the body, yet when I make eye contact with my reflection, I do not know that person. Sometimes I wish I was that person, the strong appearance of self-esteem, firm exterior in both mind and body, and someone who appears to maintain stability. Other times I hate that person. The life-like representation consists of my occasional personal negative perception of myself. From time to time, I am glad to see the person in the mirror, the progress that has been made, and the physical changes that have occurred since the last time we made eye contact.

However we feel about our reflection, it is important to know that what we perceive is always moments before the present us. Every second we are growing and changing from each experience that is directed into our story. No frame-by-frame animation can depict you at the same moment you are alive. Yet, we acknowledge it can reflect the dominant emotions we are experiencing; whether it be through us energetically dancing in front of the mirror while music plays or crying hysterically after seeing yourself in the mirror with puffy eyes. 

It is okay to feel these intense emotions when simply catching a glimpse of yourself as you pass by a parked car or as you stare at the glistening puddles left behind from the rain. Our reflection can emphasize our emotions, especially when we feel lost and unsure of the decisions we make as we evolve as people. As we, the protagonist, develop and mature in our own story, we almost certainly will not hold all the same features or characteristics as our reflection a second ago. A sonder reflection can only capture a moment in your life, so do not be afraid if it does not always reflect you. You are always changing and in case no one told you, that’s okay!

 However, it is important to acknowledge that some may not be able to distinguish a reflection from themselves and may even reflect a distorted reflection as either a standard or exact image of themselves. (Disclaimer: I am not qualified to provide medical expertise, and you should contact a medical professional if you are experiencing continuous disruptive factors or believe you may be suffering from either depersonalization or derealization.)

Reflected a Second Apart

A short lived breath, process, and embracement in Mother’s garden                                                                                Mourns our spent time swiftly following every passing second                                                                                                                                                       as it shimmers and ripples for our transitory moments                                                                                                     

As clear as the light refracts, it is disconnected.                                                                                                                      Dashing sporadically in almost unison                                                                                                                                    A production of our lives is depicted in excerpts.                                                                                                               

Can such a cinema be real; so angry, resented, loved?                                                                                                                    The separation of reflected scenes from our perceived consciousness                                                                                                      Is our reality.          

Distortion is possible for this liminal space;                                                                                                                       Curly bent mirrors, filters, unclear lens                                                                                                                                        Can dim our portrayal of our colored schemes 

       Concrete and intangible worries can strain one’s psyche,                                                                                                                            can plague the reflection of one’s body and spirit.                                                                                                        However, transparency and exterior support may relieve the image.

A mirror is merely a reflection of ourselves by ourselves,                                                                                                                               but only for a moment.                                                                                                                                                                   For each reflection is a delayed product of our world’s light. 

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