By Briana Livelsberger
Life is a never ending cycle, full of beginnings and endings. Almost always, beginnings and endings happen together rather than separately. In my own life, there are many events I can think back to where the end and the beginning were often blurred, leading me to believe that an event was solely an end or a beginning.
When I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, it felt like an ending. Then again, I was also a kid who didn’t understand how I could be sick. For a time, I only thought about how I couldn’t go to school “normally” anymore or that I couldn’t see friends as much (though I also didn’t want to see them, since they looked at me differently after the diagnosis). I didn’t realize then that it was also a beginning. It was the beginning of my journey towards achieving remission from arthritis. It also started the journey that was online learning. But it was also the beginning of another, more difficult journey, the journey towards self-acceptance.
The beginning of college was both a beginning and an end. It was my first time being away from my family, never having traveled alone or even stayed overnight at a friend’s house. It was the first time in years that I was attending school in person. And it was the first step toward building my career. But starting college was also an end. I said good-bye to my childhood, even though I still felt small and afraid in a world as large as the one around me.
I graduated college in August, marking the end of my transitionary period from timid young adult to an actual young adult who knew more about herself but still wasn’t completely sure where she was headed. Then again, whether we have plans or not, we never truly know where we’re going. I learned more about where my passions lie and what I don’t want to have anything to do with. But I was also coming into a period of time where my life is entirely mine. Sure, it’s always been mine. However, when going to school, it feels like your life is separated into what you need to do to complete your education and what it is you want to do when you’ve finally graduated.
And now, I come to yet another ending. I started my internship here in May, right after my final full semester of college ended. I then became an Editorial Staff when my internship ended. When I first started here, I had a lot of ideas on what I wanted to write but I wasn’t sure if I could pull any of them off. However, as time went on, I learned that I have a strong voice and that I can write on any topic without seeming like an idiot. I know now that I’m capable of standing for something without my words seeming weak. I know that I can make people smile or feel heard. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted as a writer.
While this is my last article here at Necessary Behavior, this won’t be the last time I write from the heart. But for now, I say good-bye knowing that this event is also another beginning.